sit back and laugh for a minute...

Chip Bronson

New Member
yo yo yo!!! what up g's? i know there are a lot haters out there but i feel it's important to acknowledge and try to understand one another. in this vein, i'd like to offer up the following 'study' pieces to help get you on your way. the following is excerpted from a paper that was turned in by an oakland high school student. incidentally, he received the highest honors at the school districts ebonics translation competition. no joke.

so enjoy my shizzles... :cool:


Assignment: Please translate the following Rap song lyrics from Ebonics to
standard English.

Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)

Lyrics:

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys

Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin money

Those the ones I like cause they dont get nathan

But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation

Garbage, I turn like doorknobs

Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever

However, I stay coochied down to the socks

Rings and watch filled with rocks


TRANSLATION:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds,
including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine
models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the
latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only
receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche
on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to
engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my
sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.


Lyrics:

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi

Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee

As I lay down laws like I lay carpet

Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

TRANSLATION:

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo. Apparently, women enjoy
this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me driving.
Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations, some of the
more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes.
Their intent is to divest me of my earnings. Such actions are unacceptable.


Lyrics:

Dont see my ones, dont see my guns - get it

Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it

In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia

I dont know what the hells stoppin ya

Im clockin ya - Versace shades watchin ya

Once ya grin, Im in game, begin

TRANSLATION:

Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons. I
suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent sexual acts.
Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior Mafia. Im having
some difficulty understanding why you refuse to approach me. I am attempting
to make eye contact with you through my expensive glasses, and as soon as
you respond with a smile, I will approach you.


Lyrics:

First I talk about how I dress and this

And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses

The sex is just immaculate from the back I get

Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the

Climax that your man cant make

Call and tell him youll be home real late

Lets sing the break

TRANSLATION:

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and
jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is
more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am
able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind.
Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a
problem with your current sexual partner. He neednt be concerned about your
whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you wont be home for a
while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.


Lyrics:

Shes sick of that song on how its so long

Thought he worked his until I handled my biz

There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans

Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan

Schemin - dont bring your girl round me

True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

TRANSLATION:

Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications about
the length of your member. After I had sexual intercourse with your woman,
she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed to be performed;
violently and immorally. It would be in your best interest to keep your
woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong. If you are
unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.


Lyrics:

You - ringin bells with bags from Chanel

Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel

Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell

She beeped me, meet me at twelve

TRANSLATION:

Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with bags
full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes Benz which
you financed by signing over your current vehicle) containing an expensive
stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager
indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight.


Lyrics:

Where you at? Flippin jobs, playin car notes?

While Im swimmin in ya women like the breast stroke

Right stroke, left stroke whats the best stroke

Death stroke - tongue all down her throat

Nuthin left to do but send her home to you

Im through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

TRANSLATION:

You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain
payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman. Meanwhile, I
continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd osculatory acts
with your women. My only remaining option is to request that she leave my
home and return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have a
need for her presence.


Lyrics:

So, whats it gonna be? Him or me?

We can cruise the world with pearls

Gator boots for girls

The envy of all women, crushed linen

Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in em

The finest women I love with a passion

Ya mans a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin

TRANSLATION:

The ultimate decision rests with you. Whom do you choose as your sexual
partner. I can take you on cruises around the world. I will dress you in the
finest jewelry and footwear. You will be envied by women worldwide in your
fine clothes and jewelry. There is a special place in my heart for beautiful
women. I will defeat your man in an altercation because he is effeminate.

Lyrics:

High fashion - flyin into all states.

Sexin me while your man masturbates.

Isnt this great? Your flight leaves at eight.

Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds.

Lyrically Im supposed to represent.

Im not only the client, Im the player president

TRANSLATION:

You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris. I will fly
you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelry. You will enjoy
sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to pleasure himself
through manual stimulation. What a life! Ill return you to LaGuardia in
time to catch your 8 oclock flight. The timing is perfect because I have
scheduled a date with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9
oclock. Ill seduce her in the same way that I seduced you. I rap well and
I am a positive reflection of my home town. Not only am I a sexually
deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on
the board of directors of the organization that governs others of my kind.
 
lol!

Best lines:

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and
jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is
more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am
able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind.
Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a
problem with your current sexual partner. He neednt be concerned about your
whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you wont be home for a
while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.


haha!
 
Oh, so that's what Biggie was rapping about all those years. Is it any wonder why the man got shot? Eventually you hit it up with the wrong brotha's ho.
 
LMFAO!!!!! I can't believe I didn't read that until now. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I'm glad to see you making a concerted effort at loving and understanding your fellow man, chip. I judge you to be an alright guy. ;)
 
Ever so judgmental Grizz. ;)

BTW-I've started a response to the Ann Rand issues a few times but they get so long so fast that I usually end up giving up. No energy of late, but I'll try and put a slam dunk together tomorrow or Sunday. Keep fighting the good fight.
 
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