Relationships bad for growth?

[Hayes88]

A little stuck in my mind so rather vent with some fellow benchpressers!

I love being in a relationship and I do want kids and the whatnot, but all my life externally and internally I've seen no to little growth for anyone who chooses that path, incl me. Veeery few work together, it becomes more like friendship for most with kids.

The one you date is full of life and goals, and you start talking and fighting together how you can achieve more, which is what's it all about. You got s*x 3x a day and you are stunned by her/ him and the excitement you feel. Then at the two year mark it starts to fall apart. Your partner gain weight, s*x is a rarer neccessity, goals are home-based (besides a few holidays), and progress/ excitement/ challenges become few if any. Marriage and kids besides economy is the sole focus. Some romance and a lot of I love you, but no connected action really.

I think I met the one and each time they slack down. We talk, we argue, we motivate, and it holds for two weeks. I am bored and many times I feel becoming a player at least cost less and provide more growth since I can be selfish, but of course I love the one I have and want change. I mean relationships cost a lot in time, effort, feelings, money (so much money...) so it should be an investment more than kids.

Anyone else feeling similar in current relationship? Who don't want to change partner due to love, but wished for more?

 

[narta]

I am happily married 15+ years. Kids too. We rarely fight and usually it's for arbitrary reasons that are resolved before the sun goes down.

Does it become a routine and same shit different day? Yes. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things? No.

If you want a long term relationship that matters, you have to understand, process and ultimately accept one thing: it's not about you.

Its about 30-40-50 hell, 60 years down the road, being able to look the other person in the eyes and feel fulfiled with your life.

 

[lift4lyfe]

Find someone that believes progress is a life long commitment. There are women/men out there that believe in that. But they're probably 30+ years old before they're truly committed to it.

 

[Benf15harp]

100% bad for growth.

 

[Icepickslick]

I’d say relationships can be good for growth, IF you put in the work. They take work and creativity to keep successful and fresh and sometimes that grind sucks, but just like most things in life, if you work fucking hard its gonna turn out. If shes the one anyways.

Kids are the same way, hard work sometimes, but are super fun and give an extra drive that nothing else can in my opinion. They'll give you some semblance of youth back, in my experience the return on investment here has been big. (And when my kids tell their school friends that their dad is the toughest strongest most bad ass dad, I want them to be right, goddammit).

Find the right one. Put the work in. Live awesomely.

 

[lift4lyfe]

They'll give you some semblance of youth back

Never heard this before but love it

 

[HeavyLiftr]

A little stuck in my mind so rather vent with some fellow benchpressers!

I love being in a relationship and I do want kids and the whatnot, but all my life externally and internally I've seen no to little growth for anyone who chooses that path, incl me. Veeery few work together, it becomes more like friendship for most with kids.

The one you date is full of life and goals, and you start talking and fighting together how you can achieve more, which is what's it all about. You got s*x 3x a day and you are stunned by her/ him and the excitement you feel. Then at the two year mark it starts to fall apart. Your partner gain weight, s*x is a rarer neccessity, goals are home-based (besides a few holidays), and progress/ excitement/ challenges become few if any. Marriage and kids besides economy is the sole focus. Some romance and a lot of I love you, but no connected action really.

I think I met the one and each time they slack down. We talk, we argue, we motivate, and it holds for two weeks. I am bored and many times I feel becoming a player at least cost less and provide more growth since I can be selfish, but of course I love the one I have and want change. I mean relationships cost a lot in time, effort, feelings, money (so much money...) so it should be an investment more than kids.

Anyone else feeling similar in current relationship? Who don't want to change partner due to love, but wished for more?

I had to lol at your thread. Yes, I have felt this but not in my current relationship. Alot of what is written here is true but you need to get out of this one because it's not going to work.

The weight gain is lol too. They get big and fat and you have to not say nothing but if you get a big stomach she starts telling you that you should diet

Mate get out of this relationship. It is going to be bad if you do not.

 

[Hayes88]

I cannot send likes, but I send you all a cold one for the kind answers! I am terrified the relationship will become boring if before kids we start to slack on growth in life. We made a new promise earlier today so there is fight in us for sure, just gotta hope the promises are not empty in favour of comfortability...

Last relationship died after 10 years est together due to us not keeping any promises for change in life. It just became movies and talks, just one side (me) wanted more of life. Was a hard pill to swallow since the love was there, and no resentment or anger, just frustration. So when we moved on and frustration feeling got lost with time, it never became any form of closure.
Last one and this one has cost me a lot of money trying to build and prepare for kids that never came/ have arrived.

Right now I am financially fighting to save 3 very messy situations alone for both, so when I gotta also solely push for life as well for both it's too big of a mess. I am just talking from my perspective now, but women tend to take us providing for granted and our role as men. She is great, truly great, but she takes the stay-at-home-wife a little too literally. Comfortable for her, loosing interest for me.

Feels good just letting it out, just gotta hope there is still life in her and us yet. I do feel that kids would be a blast for life, just want us as parents to rock before they arrive.

 

[about1314]

A little stuck in my mind so rather vent with some fellow benchpressers!

I love being in a relationship and I do want kids and the whatnot, but all my life externally and internally I've seen no to little growth for anyone who chooses that path, incl me. Veeery few work together, it becomes more like friendship for most with kids.

The one you date is full of life and goals, and you start talking and fighting together how you can achieve more, which is what's it all about. You got s*x 3x a day and you are stunned by her/ him and the excitement you feel. Then at the two year mark it starts to fall apart. Your partner gain weight, s*x is a rarer neccessity, goals are home-based (besides a few holidays), and progress/ excitement/ challenges become few if any. Marriage and kids besides economy is the sole focus. Some romance and a lot of I love you, but no connected action really.

I think I met the one and each time they slack down. We talk, we argue, we motivate, and it holds for two weeks. I am bored and many times I feel becoming a player at least cost less and provide more growth since I can be selfish, but of course I love the one I have and want change. I mean relationships cost a lot in time, effort, feelings, money (so much money...) so it should be an investment more than kids.

Anyone else feeling similar in current relationship? Who don't want to change partner due to love, but wished for more?

me!!

 

[bigboy420]

Woman only harm growth but we got it installed in the brain we need them.
Double edge sword

 

[nightprowler7]

It has been my experience that some women will sabotage your training because they feel inadequate or insecure. I've dated more than a few of these women. Finally I found one who supports my lifestyle and knows I won't cheat on her.

 

[bigboy420]

They take too much time and attention.
But pussy

 

[Sector]

I think the word you're looking for is complacency, which happens all the time and is all too common in relationships where one or both parties get complacent, perhaps with physical goals, or putting in effort (lower sex frequency), as well as in other areas.

That's not to say you can't be happy. There's many members on here happily married with a wife and kids that wouldn't trade it for the world

Speaking strictly on motivation though, I find myself way more motivated and have more of a "fire" burning inside with regard to the gym, work, and other factors when I'm single.

 

[HKOX]

With the amount of time nutrition, working out, sleep and work take up...I don't see how I could fit a relationship in without taking away from something else. I need me time too. That said having someone special makes me feel better all around, and it forces me to adapt and grow as a person. Being single sucks too

 

[Fattyone]

I wouldn’t be able to make progress or live the life I want or enjoy without my wife. She 100% adds tremendous value in every possible way, even I using gym gainzzz.


Not a single thing would be better without her. Not one.

Now being single and dating… I can’t think of anything worse for gym progress haha

 

[HeatherSwanson]

If you set the scene of the relationship to be what you want (frame), then you get to dictate what the terms of the relationship are. Women are natural followers for the most part, if your jacked, training and eating right because that's your lifestyle, your woman being a compliment to your life and not the centre it will assist you in your chosen life path.

But it requires you to be the leader, be the one to make sure you're steering the ship in the direction you want it to go.

I'd also remember that the man you are is the baseline for the man she's going to expect. Example, if my girl rolled over one morning and I had a counterweight hanging off the front of stomach, tits and was ungroomed shed be rightfully disgusted and lose respect. This would manifest as discontentment, nagging and shit testings.

Alternatively if I'm the best option she's got, the most jacked guy she can get, the most psycho in business, the most aggressive in attacking life's goals, she will assist where she can. I left the house at 430am, took the lunch she packed me and I'll go home to a meal she's made - within my macros. Why? Becuase she's integrated herself as an indispensable utility in my life, it would be painful and difficult to remove her. Why? Because I set the standard for what was / is important to me and have upheld those standards since day 1.

If bringing a women fucks your gains up, you are allocating time and attention to the incorrect things. Women are a compliment to your life, not the centre of it.

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