Need some life advice

[BlindPanda]

I am new here but I read quality information from people that seem to have their heads screwed on and their lives together. I came here to turn to you guys to ask for advice. So here goes. The wife and I are together 7 years this March and we have a baby 6 months old.since Christmas we have been pretty much stuck in a rough patch that’s getting tougher. It’s at the point where I unfortunately think for the sake of.a healthy house hold we need to split up. The only problem is that if we split up and she takes the house I have no where and can’t afford a place alone and I don’t want to kick her out or ask her to go stay with her parents as she needs the house with the kid. I would appreciate any advice that you can affor. Thanks for your time.

 

[Norse13]

Thank you to all of you who have gave their advice. It’s helped me a shit tone. You’ve helped me put my head back on straight and think clearly again. I really do appreciate it. Sense of community on here is pretty awesome!

So how's it going, are you keeping it together or is your head about to explode?

 

[airfield17]

Lifes hard, best of luck. Hard to do whats right sometimes

 

[freedom69]

Hope everything is going well for you man. Life can beat the shit out of you from time to time, but it usually has a way of working out.

 

[nok]

You have 7 years invested. Your wife is 6 months post partum. Step up your game. Bring home flowers. Cook dinner at least three times a week. Tell her she looks pretty every morning and kiss her forehead. Text her every day at noon to tell her you miss her. As soon as you walk through the door after work, give her a big hug and tell her it's nice to see her.

Check back in with us in 6 months.

This. Look at hormonal fluctuations post partum and tell me tren brain is worse. Consider her self image…self loathing now as her body is still not recovered. Consider being a mother. It’s a big transition. Truthfully you are being selfish and to bail at this point infers a great deal about your quality. Buckle up dude and be a man. You have a child. You are a father. She feels obligation certainly and you should as well. You are entrusted with their well-being, security and although it sucks to put yourself last that’s what she is doing as well.

Marriage isn’t 50-50.

Marriage is you giving her 100 and leaving none for yourself with the hope she’ll do the same.

6 mos post partum is no indication of weeks from now.

There will be joy shortly if you can die to self and serve her and your baby.

 

[OffendHand]

Late to the game here, and I hope you're doing well right now.

I am a huge proponent of marriage and relationship counseling, even when your relationship seems good. (Which, yeah, is expensive. Believe me, I know.) In my opinion, the way to approach it is something like, "I love you, and I feel our relationship isn't going well right now. I want to make this work, because I love you, but I'm not sure where things are going wrong, or even if it's in my head. Will you accompany me to a relationship counselor?" In my opinion, you don't want to give any indication that you blame her in any way, because that's going to turn someone right off.
Other people are right; this could be postpartum depression, it could be your own hormonal fluctuations if you're currently on-cycle or PCT, general stresses of having a new kid, or a combination. Don't go into therapy trying to find blame; that's a quick way to ensure that it's not going to work.

Second thing, I've said this to many people in real life: look at Arthur Aron's "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness" in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (1997). The gist of it is that there are 36 questions, and you should take turns answers the same question (i.e., so each person answers each of the 36 questions). Take time to ask questions about your partner's answers, and really pay attention to what they're saying. You don't want to give them push back (e.g. "Well, that's stupid, why would you do X, Y, Z?"), just acceptance. And your acceptance of their answers needs to be sincere. Questions start out very superficial, and become progressively more emotionally intimate. If you are feeling like your losing the connection with your wife, this can be a shortcut to helping rebuild that. I did this on my third date with someone; we've been married seven years now, and were married less than a year after we met. It's not a panacea, but it can really help.