Meso brothers... Engagement rings, advice on affording it?

[Ghoul]

Moissanite or Lab Grown solitaire. 1/2 to 3/4ct is large enough. 1ct is almost too much unless your girl has tank hands.

Agree 1ct is too much for most and looks tacky imo. Best to let her decide.

Lab grown is a real diamond though, and looks better.

 

[MrCloud]

Where im from we just bought wedding bands, ours are 14k gold so its cheap and its been holding up great. Marriage is all right as well ups and downs

 

[Ghoul]

Natural diamonds are done. Buying one at this point is a fools game. Lab made are identical in every characteristic. They are real diamonds after all and visually indistinguishable. Use some of the money you save to get a higher grade of color and clarity, that's what makes a diamond look spectacular.

 

[green121]

Moissanite is the way to go. I bought one for my wife's engagement ring, she didn't want a real diamond for the ethical aspect. Was insanely cheap compared to a diamond and looks exactly the same

 

[thejumpingsheep]

All I can tell you is my experience with marriage. Married 12 years now. Relationship for about 14.

I bought it her a toy ring using a symbol she would find significant in some way and perhaps even funny. In her case, she is a computer engineer with a thing for robots and engineering. So I got her a cutesy looking robot character ring. It cost like $20. Of course this wasnt the "actual wedding ring." It was literally just a "proposal" ring. It symbolized me wanting her to become my partner in life. This proposal shouldnt cost anything. Not really. The costs should come once you are partners, not before.

Think of it in any other partnership sense. When you go into a partnership, do you shower people with gift BEFORE you even agree to do so? LoL no. And if you did do that, it would be shady as hell. Sort of like a political ploy. I would never trust anyone that does that. So why do people do it for marriage? It seem so desperate to me.

So anyway, the toy ring was just the "proposal." She accepted and the next part we did as partners. I dont like overpriced metals that have no use but she wanted something traditional. So we met in the middle. Lets get one, but we wont spend significant money and we buy from a reputable source that gives us a certificate as assurance we arent getting fucked by fake crap (Costco since they wont go out of business any time soon). We ended up with like a $4k ring and a couple of $300 bands. Made her happy for like one day and I dont think I have seen that ring or the bands since our wedding day. They have been in storage every since. Instead we wear $20 Tungsten or Titanium rings because we work out a lot. We both lost those at least twice (lol).

This is where I think some people trip. You need to stop thinking like an individual. Start thinking like a partner.

Do partners make big financial decisions without talking about it? No and frankly, its childish that a ring can even make a difference. It shouldnt. If it does, dump her post haste. If this is a major financial decision, then it should be a shared decision.

Also who doesnt like feeling like their opinion matters? Turns out women want to be heard... who woulda thunk? (LoL) Men seem to like it too. Hint... you can use this every time your wife gets angry. It like a magic chillax potion. Easy nookie too.

 

[Ghoul]

All I can tell you is my experience with marriage. Married 12 years now. Relationship for about 14.

I bought it her a toy ring using a symbol she would find significant in some way and perhaps even funny. In her case, she is a computer engineer with a thing for robots and engineering. So I got her a cutesy looking robot character ring. It cost like $20. Of course this wasnt the "actual wedding ring." It was literally just a "proposal" ring. It symbolized me wanting her to become my partner in life. This proposal shouldnt cost anything. Not really. The costs should come once you are partners, not before.

Think of it in any other partnership sense. When you go into a partnership, do you shower people with gift BEFORE you even agree to do so? LoL no. And if you did do that, it would be shady as hell. Sort of like a political ploy. I would never trust anyone that does that. So why do people do it for marriage? It seem so desperate to me.

So anyway, the toy ring was just the "proposal." She accepted and the next part we did as partners. I dont like overpriced metals that have no use but she wanted something traditional. So we met in the middle. Lets get one, but we wont spend significant money and we buy from a reputable source that gives us a certificate as assurance we arent getting fucked by fake crap (Costco since they wont go out of business any time soon). We ended up with like a $4k ring and a couple of $300 bands. Made her happy for like one day and I dont think I have seen that ring or the bands since our wedding day. They have been in storage every since. Instead we wear $20 Tungsten or Titanium rings because we work out a lot. We both lost those at least twice (lol).

This is where I think some people trip. You need to stop thinking like an individual. Start thinking like a partner.

Do partners make big financial decisions without talking about it? No and frankly, its childish that a ring can even make a difference. It shouldnt. If it does, dump her post haste. If this is a major financial decision, then it should be a shared decision.

Also who doesnt like feeling like their opinion matters? Turns out women want to be heard... who woulda thunk? (LoL) Men seem to like it too. Hint... you can use this every time your wife gets angry. It like a magic chillax potion. Easy nookie too.

Your strident generalizations to justify the way you did things are entirely too broad. . Perhaps your wife preferred getting a "toy", perhaps she kept quiet about it and cried a little inside at your unwillingness to back up a proposal with a little material sacrifice.

Most women I've known had a concept of what they would like as an engagement ring long before they found their future spouse. A part of the dream they had for their future. Good woman, decent women.

Symbolism isn't necessarily meaningless. A woman wanting an engagement ring, not a joke at her expense( and to the benefit of your finances), doesn't make her shallow as you suggest.

 

[thejumpingsheep]

You're making entirely too broad generalizations to justify the way you did things. Perhaps your wife preferred getting a "toy", perhaps she kept quiet about it.

Most women I've known had a concept of what they would like as an engagement ring long before they found their future spouse.

Symbolism isn't always meaningless, and a woman wanting an engagement ring doesn't make her shallow as you suggest.

Should I care what concept they had? I was a child once too. I had a lot of ideas and concepts of what things would be. I find them childish today. I grew up. I expect the same of my partner or I dont marry her. That's my recommendation when it comes to material things especially if money is a thing.

Ironically money was never a thing... yet another thing I hid from her till after we were engaged and she didn't believe it till we bought our 1st house together. She said she almost cut the engagement off because she thought I was being a chauvinistic show off (lol).

That said the toy ring is symbolic. It is the important one. Our 1st house was sort of symbolic. So was our 1st car which she is still attached to. But yea, if the house were to burn down, the toy ring is the one we would save. When she talks about this stuff to her friends (many of which are now divorced...), its the one that is shown because no one seems to believe it.

 

[Ghoul]

Should I care what concept they had? I was a child once too. I had a lot of ideas and concepts of what things would be. I find them childish today. I grew up. I expect the same of my partner or I dont marry her. That's my recommendation when it comes to material things especially if money is a thing. Ironically money was never a thing for me... yet another thing I hid from her till after we were engaged and she didnt believe it till we bought our 1st house together (lol).

That said the toy ring is symbolic. It is the important one. Our 1st house was sort of symbolic. So was our 1st car which she is still attached to. But yea, if the house were to burn down, the toy ring is the one we would save. When she talks about this stuff to her friends, its the one that is shown because no one seems to believe it.

You sound like a miserable fuck, sitting in judgement of how others are not only doing things the wrong way(which is always possible), but you go on to insist it's because they possess fundamental character flaws that make them lesser than you.

I've known assholes like you over the years. Assholes get married too, that's no sign of approval for your character. Women do foolish things in the name of love all the time.

Your wife feels a pang of envy and the sting of regret every time a female coworker goes through the ritual of showing off her engagement ring, and bathing in joy and the giddiness of the other women around her.

One day, your wife's low self esteem will lift, the realization life is finite will strike. and she'll leave you die alone to seek out happiness, a taste of genuine, selfless romance, and only then will you discover just how truly unattractive you are.

And I'll note, you still bought the rings, something you're seething over to this day.

 

[thejumpingsheep]

You sound like a miserable fuck, sitting in judgement of how others are not only doing things the wrong way(which is always possible), but you go on to insist it's because they possess fundamental character flaws that make them lesser than you.

I've known assholes like you over the years. Assholes get married too, that's no sign of approval for your character. Women do foolish things in the name of love all the time.

Your wife feels a pang of envy and the sting of regret every time a female coworker goes through the ritual of showing off her engagement ring, and bathing in joy and the giddiness of the other women around her.

One day, your wife's low self esteem will lift, the realization life is finite will strike. and she'll leave you die alone to seek out happiness, a taste of genuine, selfless romance, and only then will you discover just how truly unattractive you are.

And I'll note, you still bought the rings, something you're seething over to this day.

Seething? Over $5k? Dude arent you older? I dont think you thought that through. My wife, like me, is anti-populist. So its the exact opposite of what you think.

But whatever you say bud. Ive known your type my whole life too. Good luck to you.

 

[Coffezilla]

if she isn't materialistic like you say, she isn't going to be picky. Lab grown stones have come a long way. Save some money and use it on a vacation.

 

[TheBeast1]

I proposed over Skype since I was living abroad at the time. She said yes and a few weeks later we had a small ceremony.

We only have wedding bands.
I would never buy an engagement ring. Seems gaudy to be honest.

 

[trobertson33]

Don’t do it!

 

[nilescrypt]

So thinking ahead, as I obviously need to say but Holy shit, I didn't realize rings were as expensive as they are. Looks like the general price point for a 1 carat, near colorless, ideal cut, nearly flawless is like $6k. I guess I had it in my head that 1 carats started around 3500 and 2 carats were more like $6,000. Damn!

I've been doing quite a bit of research and looking on JamesAllen which is cool because they photographed thousands of diamonds they have for sale and you can actually see them side by side.

How did you guys manage to budget for your fiance/wife's ring? How big did you go with? I know there's a few guys on here who are in great careers making far more than the rest of us though. So for those of you under $60k per year, what did you do?

Realistically it's looking like something that would take me a long time to save for. No wonder why we have so many members turned sources lol.

brother, this is gonna sound fucking gay but make a pinterest board of engagement rings she likes. then, find a custom jewelry manufacturer on alibaba. work with them to make something completely new that she’ll love. also, consider going the lab grown route rather than natural.

 

[Faipdeooiad]

Married 12 years, together almost 23 (met at school when we were both 15) - I think I spent £200 on her engagement ring because we were both working really low income jobs at the time (and i think I had to get a loan from my mum).

I’m earning significantly more now and have offered to replace it with something a little nicer but she’s refused every time.

If I was looking to re-marry again tomorrow there’s not a hope in hell I’m spending thousands on an engagement ring. If she’s going to see her arse because the ring wasn’t expensive enough, I’m out.