Didn't you just come off a long cycle? And had a thread about not wanting to come off and being addicted or something?
Imo dirty bulking is stupid af. You just get needlessly fat and remember, the more time you need to spend cutting, in a given years time, the less time you are building muscle, which means; less growth.
You are also in a much less healthy environment being so fat + being on large dosages of aas, which you probably don't need. I mean, if you follow Mike I. then you should be smart enough to know that. It's definitely better to cut down and do a steady bulk, especially if 5iu's of GH is in play. But at least you're keeping it far away from food, so that's a plus.
I'd say meal timing and meal composition is important. Keeping high carb meals with low fats pre and post workout and other meals low carb and higer fat and high protein, and maybe a meal or two just protein and fat. Not to forget, to have some fasting windows in between, where you actually let yourself get hungry and stay being hungry before you eat. Keeping insulin elevated all the time through the day will lead to insulin resistance, and given your bf% and the fact that you're using 5iu's isn't helping you either.
I mean, the stuff you are doing is just so far from healthy, that the question arises; why do it ... Is the feeling of being ON so helpful with your ptsd and self image and what not?
Thing is, according to even Dr. Mike's video, I'm not "dirty bulking" at all, because even he says
some junk is okay. 90% of my foods are whole foods; it's not like I'm eating pizzas, burger king, Ice cream and all that.
Jin, your efforts are not in vain; I just have a goal set and I will get there. I'm not going to die before this happens, nor do I believe I'm
destroying my health after one year of perma-blasting for the first time in my life. There are people who've abused higher dosages for decades; not saying it's right, nor does it justify this retarded use of mine, but it is only temporary and I have made that decision to push through. I'm not getting any younger and I want to get there.
You must have missed what I wrote before:
What I need to do is just stop posting on here. I started to post here and make logs to keep accountability, but there's just too many opinions flying around. My friend Gabe is a coach and bodybuilder, and I need to just trust him. He is going off what I told him; he knows me and has seen me in person. And no, he doesn't agree with the Sun Chips either lol, and I spoke to him about it and he gave me things to do instead.
People on here are giving their opinion based on pictures, throwing around estimates of BF%, sharing their opinions on what should or shouldn't be done, and even making assumptions about my mental health lol; I'm just going to get in my own way listening to anyone but him.
I told him my goals, and based on them, he is working within a TIME CONSTRAINT so it's all about getting there as fast as possible, in these conditions. So far he hasn't been wrong, while others say the opposite.
So yea I'm done posting about me on this forum.