How do you know when you're ready to join the dark side?

[hellerhiwater]

The language you use gives off such bad vibes I hope you know that.

I hate listening to people who lost weight talking about their past selves as a fatass or using other self deprecating terms like you did here. It's like they imagine that their past self is the new shy kid at school and they want to get the approval of other kids picking on him.

You were still yourself when you were fatter and you deserved respect just like you deserve respect right now. There is a big difference in calling your past self a "fat drunk" and saying "I used to have an overeating and drinking problem".


Stop doing this. Nobody is "suffering" by reading a thread that they can close on their browser in 1 second. Act like you belong man. You're literally inviting disrespect.


It's fine to dig for anecdotal evidence, but you sound like you are obsessed with it, "drooling" over doing roids but not actually taking them for 10 years is crazy.

We're talking about testosterone here, we know exactly how it works, this isn't some ultra rare steroid like stenbolone or w/e where information about it is scarce.

i know this isnt the time or place but i really wanted to share my sincere appreciation for your thought process, willingness to respond and your communication style. a nice little "faith in humanity" boost for the day. thanks for sharing your thoughts broseph

im a new addition to the "community" at large and the amount of weirdness surrounding shame, self-image and the general state of being a fat human has been kind of overwhelming. really awesome to me that you cut right thru it all to strike at the heart of the matter; self worth and what you do with it.

ok im done. thanks for your time.

 

[hellerhiwater]

Mr. Shitter,

I didn't do my due diligence and cautiously read every reply so apologies in advance if this has been stated already.

Get a baseline. Grab some bloodwork, journal your feelings upon waking and going to bed for like a week, and see where exactly you're at. As others have said, this isn't rocket surgery, hormones and how they work are known things and its kinda simple really. But it doesn't start and stop at testosterone.

You may have some sort of hormonal dysregulation that is (relatively) unrelated to sex hormones that is causing some of the pain, insecurity, and unease you're struggling with. If this is the case, adding a heaping helping of androgens may just make it all worse.

As I entered the self-managed trt space (i was working with a bad doctor, and am now managed by an endocrinologist) one thing I saw repeated over and over again is "[gear] doesn't create [emotional problems] it just amplifies what is already there."

Personally, I have found this to be true in all aspects except one; my generalized anxiety went away. Granted my case is a little different, my testosterone levels dropped down to below 40 ng/dL with no outside help aside from my lack of activity and poor sleep. So in my opinion the anxiety going away doesn't contradict the "amplify what's already there" idea.

Sorry, this has gotten away from me. tl;dr get labs, consult a doctor, figure out if there is anything actually going on. if there is, address it. if there is not, address your self esteem and self image issues SEPARATELY from your journey to the dark side.

your worthiness is tied to your character and actions--nothing else. give yourself some credit for surviving this far, committing to a change and executing on it. that's really great homie, and worthy of a pat on the back

 

[Elektrobot]

When I turned 47 and my legs stopped recovering as fast as they used to

 

[mattgray]

Just wanted to quickly give my two scents:

People take test and steroids for different reasons, and whether you or someone else is ready for them is highly individual and not at all the same.

People might take test / steroids / PEDS because they want to:
- Feel better/ more energetic/ more confident...
- Compete or become a professional bodybuilder
- Like bodybuilding and want to outgrow genetic limit recreationally
- Want an "easy way" to improve their physique without training

In my opinion, one of these isn't more valid than any of the others, and I don't like people saying "I am taking PEDs because I want to compete on a professional level some day" and "unless you want to compete professionally, you shouldn't take PEDs". I mean if it makes someone happy to recreationally bodybuild, without ever competing, how does that make their justification less valid than yours?

My point being is, do the research, weigh out the pros vs cons, and then decide for yourself if you think you will gain a net positive to your life by taking PEDs.

My closing advice would be, if you decide to hop-on, start slow, it's easier to recover your HPTA from a low dose of test (e.g. 300mg/w) than from a blast with 19-nors, if you try them out and decide PEDs aren't for you after all. And also keep expectations low, PEDs are most definitely not going to fix all your problems magically overnight, although I have heard of people becoming more happy and confident from enhancing their physique, this seems to be more of an exception than the norm.

P.S. found it kinda funny you said you were scared of bulking but then at the same time, consider taking PEDs which is arguably a much harsher way to achieve the same end result

 

[MentEFresh]

For context. I am almost 31, 190lbs @ 5'10" and have been lifting for years and spinning my wheels. Last time I tested my testosterone it came back at 510ng/dl. All other markers came back smack dab in the middle of the range. I'm as average as average gets..

- Long story short I used to be a fat.
- Got dumped by my ex 4-5 years ago.
- Gym rat ever since
- happy i lost the fat but not happy with muscle
- most likely not at my genetic limit because I was afraid to bulk. Or at least this Is my only answer as to why I've been spinning my wheels. Because The effort was DEFINITELY there. Lol

-so to combat this mental hurdle i actually just had loose skin removal with surgery so I can more accurately assess my body fat. (Was Hard mentally for me tell tell if it was fat or loose skin. $16k surgery- so I definitely take this serious)

- also tore My bicep back in July. So I've been out of the gym recovering from both surgeries. What little muscle I had seems to be all gone now..

-ive been holding off on steroids to have kids and to reach my genetic limit so i can do it the "right way" But I'll probably never have kids at this point, too expensive. And Im getting old, and im tired of imagining gains when i look in the mirror. especially after being injured and seeing what little gains I had fade away. At this point maybe it's better to let the gear slingshot me to my peak physique and then cruise off into the sunset and maintain those gains on some trt till the day I die.

Main reason I want to hop on trt so I can have some masculinizing effects. AND blast and cruise (obviously) lol i know I'm gonna sound like SUCH a pussy. Lol but i have some struggles within myself..
truthfully, I get treated like a child. I constantly am underestimated by EVERYONE. and honestly i understand why... Which is why it has made me super self conscious. Which has now made the problem worse.
For starters one problem i have is i have a soft voice... i have to scream for guys at work to hear me over the sound of a truck idling or the wind blowing and even then it's like nobody can hear me. But other people seem to be able to whisper and you can hear them clear as day. So I'm hoping a little test can add some bass to my voice.
People also always think I'm way younger than I really am. You might think this is a good thing. But as a man it sucks. I always get the shit jobs at work. I get no respect. I constantly have to prove myself. Always treated as the new guy, it's beyond frustrating. And even if I put my foot down, the usual response is "don't be a pussy" and end up with even less respect. but I've noticed other dudes who are younger but look old as fuck or just more manly overall. But When They complain about something or put their foot down and all of a sudden everyone listens and repects what they have to say if something isn't fair or they don't like something. Litterally even if it's the same exact thing I bitch about. Lol its wild.. i work with different people constantly and it's the same problem. So it has to be me...
Even my girlfriend's mother will flat out just ignore me when i talk and she will just start a conversation with anyone else. Lol. I dont think she means to be mean or rude. Its just interesting how accross the board i really am truly invisible.. with everyone except my girlfriend. And if it wasn't for her I'd 1000% already be on it at this point.

to be honest I don't ever complain. I work my ass off and i eat some serious shit thaf other people would cry over so that i dont give anyone a reason to talk down to me but it really really bothers me. I want to be the one doing the "fucking" for a change.. I want people to sit up straight when I walk into the room.

I noticed this when i was like 22yrs old I did a sarm only cycle (dumb i know but the guy at my local supplement store told me it wasnt suppresive and i belived him sadly)

But for those few months i was on it that seem to really transform me and my whole demeanor. The way people treated me was night and day different. Just from that short little burst. I've been searching for that feeling ever since. It really completed me and filled that "missing piece" within myself. My voice had more authority behind it. I had more purpose in my step. People gave me more respect. Girls noticed me. It felt like I was actually a member of society for once lol.
As someone whos bounced around from fat, to to athletic to crashing my hormones and getting gyno and bouncing back to natty I have a very clear observation on how looks is EVERYTHING and the power of hormones is HUGE. It taught me alot..

At this point I truthfully feel like it would solve all my problems. Lol And for some people it seems like its the ultimate cheat code to success. And other people say it's a trap and it's going to ruin your life and turn you gay and give you gyno and have heart failure at 45 for gains a smidgen better then creatine. Lol

I can't tell if people are just gate keeping it and it's a miracle or if it really is a trap and I'll end up dying early and a slave to the needle for barely any gains. Lol

I'm not expecting to be Chris bumstead. I just want to turn heads and be noticed and respected.
I'll gladly pin this shit. I guess I just wonder is the juice worth the squeeze? I'm just afraid of making this lifelong choice and overlooking some variables that Ill wish I took into consideration years down the road. I'm afraid of regret. But I'm also afraid of regretting not starting sooner.

-How has it changed your life?
-How long have you been on it?
-Why did you start?
-do you regret it?
-were you able to still have kids?
-how did it help or hurt your social life?

I can get a teenager or young dude making these kind of posts, but if youre genuinely 30 seeking advice from strangers on whether youre "ready" for gear or not is just pathetic. You're your own man, yes? Research the drugs, weigh the risks, and make the descison yourself, christ.