back from the dead

drbeefsupreme

New Member
Hello Meso, I've been looking for an outlet to freely express my current fitness journey. I do yap at my friends about it and they're all supportive but they surely get tired of hearing about it. I'd rather write to an audience that could potentially give me valuable feedback as well. I'm surely not the first person on Meso in my shoes. And I'll be excited to look back on this journal in the future, and send it to any friends who ask about my journey. I've been 100% open about using gear to my friends before day one. So really this is just a healthy outlet, not some kind of secret (except for my parents).

I'm a mid 30's former strongman. I lifted hard and very consistently for about 7 years starting in my early 20's while I was in school where it was easy to spend 2-2.5 hours at the gym several days per week. I started running gear, and soon after moved somewhere that the closest gym was a strongman gym. I got to the point where I ran one strongman competition, intending to do them for at least a few years, then the pandemic happened and I fell out of lifting entirely for the last ~5 years.

It has been so long that I have no ego about lifting. I've forgotten 90% of what I know, and the other 10% I'm hazy on. My first session back, I benched 70 pounds. Wowzer! Totally untrained!

Long term my goal is to be a healthy all-rounder athlete with good quality of life at old age. I've dabbled in a bit of everything. At mostly separate times, I was a somewhat experienced lifter, intermediate runner, and intermediate yogi. Now I want to do a bit of everything, and look good doing it. I haven't yet determined what kind of role gear plays in my future. I've been on TRT ever since my second cycle. But given how much time I've been spending on steroid forums lately...

I have three big motivating factors going for me right now: one, I'm recovering from a neck injury that happened mostly due to lack of strength. I walked around with it for 6 months thinking it would heal on its own while it just got worse and I finally decided to go to physical therapy. I want to reduce the probability of something like this happening again. Two, I'm getting married in October and want to be the best possible husband for my soon to-be wife. She deserves it. Third, I was on medical leave from my job due to the neck injury, which has evolved into a furlough. At least they're still paying for my benefits. So I got all the time in the world to focus on fitness and health.

Current stack: the holy trinity
200 mg/week Test U (total: ~1100 ng/dL)
60 mg/week Primobolan E (for AI)
1000iu HCG 3x/week (for fertility, planning to freeze my swimmers soon and then get snipped)
6 mg retatrutide/week (or really 4.5mg/5 days)
3iu HGH (Optitropin) IM every morning

I also fool around with a rotation of other peptides. At the moment I mostly have that on pause while I dial in everything else, but none of it is terribly relevant to fitness (except when I run BPC-157 and TB4) so I probably won't mention it much, if at all. Even MOTS-C didn't really do much for me.

Starting stats (early March): 5'10", 204 lbs, ~28% body fat? (had a DEXA scan in late March at 27%). Squat 0, OHP 0, DL 0, Bench 0!
Current stats: 5'10", 183 lbs, ~17% body fat (had a DEXA scan at 17.5% a little over a week ago). And... Squat 100x5, OHP 65x5, DL 135x7, Bench 80x5 LOL. Its only been two weeks.

My current routine:
- Walk, run, and/or ruck fasted every morning starting about an hour after my HGH injection. Usually for at least 5 miles but I set a minimum of just 2 to account for rest days. Walking every day is the concrete that binds everything else together. I stay much better focused having a daily goal to achieve.
- Yoga twice per week. So far I'm just doing my favorite style, yin (holding poses for 3-5 minutes at a time, harder than it sounds). Walking around with a fucked up neck for so longer spread tightness across a surprising portion of my body, as nearby muscles correct for the neck problem, and then muscles close to those adjusted to those adjustments, etc. I got a lotttta work to do. Tbh I should probably bump this up to 3x a week until I'm healed, its already making issues with lifting.
- Contrast therapy 2-3x per week. Helps with recovery, mental toughness, energy levels, etc. Its high quality me time. Though as I've lost weight the cold plunge part has been getting more and more challenging lol. I live in a hot area of the country, and the sauna has made running in 95 degree heat very easy. I sweat a lot, but the heat doesn't even cross my mind as an annoyance.
- Finally, lifting. Given how much other exercise I'm doing and the fact that I'm cutting, I'm just doing Starting Strength twice per week. Blasting through the noob gains compounded with recaptured gains from the myonuclei left over from my glory days. I'm getting 2-on-1 personal training with my lifting buddy who started around the same time as me. She has about a year of prior experience but has also been off for about 5 years. Never took ANY personal training when I was into lifting before. 100% Youtube trained. I was a broke-ass student. Now that I'm older I recognize that paying a few hundred bucks for several sessions of form advice now may save me months of injury later. Given how miserable my busted ass neck has made my life, that's a steal to me.

So, am I gonna run gear again? At least a littttle bit. I've ordered some Test C/E and NPP. I don't plan to touch it anytime soon, but I want to have the option for when the time comes. And in uncertain times like these, with products with a shelf life of years, I'd rather stock up while its available and feel secure. Really, I'd love to get into homebrewing for harm reduction purposes, but the only sources for raws I've found have been bottom of the barrel, no COA shit.

I'm experimenting with TRT+ with the Primobolan. The only other AAS I've run before besides Test and Primo is Masteron. So the NPP is new to me. Interested in trying it out in small quantities primarily to help out with joints, tendons, etc. Curious what effect it might have on yoga. But its bad for fertility, so I gotta wait until I freeze my sperm (I want ~6 consecutive months of being sober with healthy fitness habits, currently at ~5) before its even on the table. Probably gonna wait until after my wedding. I don't want to risk side effects fucking up my dick or my face or whatever, even at tiny doses.

I'm guessing I'm more than a year out from considering running a real cycle (if I ever do). I have no idea how fast or how much of my old gains are gonna come back. Its funny though, I still look like I lift. Some of my volume never went away, especially in my traps and shoulders. I was already asked for advice on my second session in the gym by an older woman who said I looked like I knew what I was doing. noooope

Anyways, not working makes focusing on fitness and health extremely easy. Hope I can keep up 75% of this when I get back to the office. Hoping they keep me furloughed until after my wedding tbh...



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Thanks for pointing that out. I think it makes sense, I'm have to go through neural adaptation again. But I don't know much about the topic of regaining strength, that's what I came here to learn. I do find it strange that I still look like I lift - like nothing crazy, but I have the traps and shoulders of someone whose really been at it for a couple years for example. I'm guessing its cuz I used to run gear.

Might also be that I'm 5 months into a cut playing a big role.
 
What were your 3-4 big lifts when you were contemplating strong man competition?

Bench
Squat
Dead lift
Overhead Press

And weight and BF% back then ?
 
I don't recall any 1RM's since I almost never attempted them. I stopped focusing on strength after my first cycle and moved to hypertrophy and volume for the last couple years leading up to the one meet I did. I remember doing sets of 8-12 deadlift in the low 400's. The rest, shrug. OHP was my best lift. What can I say, my memory is sieve-like.
 
Lot of info above, what stands out to me is you said you were gonna compete in strongman years ago and then posted current lifts. Even if it’s been 10 years since you touched a weight …. If those lifts are accurate something is wrong.
Believable if it's a woman

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy not be able to bench 135 first day in the gym maybe a 100lb kid but that doesn’t count
 
An old lady asking you for advice don’t mean anything. Her husband just died and she’s lonely. When the 18-25 year olds are following you around doing RDL’s in front of you and always need the machine next to you like they do to me, that’s when you know you look good
 
I wouldn't let the comments get to you. As long as you're trying to better yourself and aren't doing anything so idiotic it's potentially harmful.

Your weight loss progress is fantastic:
204 lbs, 28% BF -> 183 lbs, ~17% BF in 3 months = 1.75lbs/week

Yeah, your lifts raise some eyebrows -- but who knows what your circumstances and physical condition are...

Current stack: the holy trinity

200 mg/week Test U (total: ~1100 ng/dL)
60 mg/week Primobolan E (for AI)
1000iu HCG 3x/week (for fertility, planning to freeze my swimmers soon and then get snipped)
6 mg retatrutide/week (or really 4.5mg/5 days)
3iu HGH (Optitropin) IM every morning

The HCG and HGH are a waste, if you want my opinion.

If you are planning on freezing your sperm, it'd be better to do that before you start using AAS.

HGH is comparatively expensive -- I'd save use of it until you're leaner, maybe once you hit ~12% or so?

Long term my goal is to be a healthy all-rounder athlete with good quality of life at old age.

If you want my $0.02 (though nobody asked):

Perma-"cruise" on something like the below:
- 250-300mg Test (long ester, whatever you like from E/C/D/U)
- 200mg Mast E
- 25mg Anavar cycled in & out

Would keep using BPC-157 + TB-500 blend for your injury. If you have the money, it's certainly worth it.

Given how much other exercise I'm doing and the fact that I'm cutting, I'm just doing Starting Strength twice per week.

If your goal is functional strength, health, and looking good, I don't think SS is an optimal use of your time.

I ran 5x5 Linear Progression variants for the first 3-4 years of my lifting career, when I was PL-focused.

Given your comment about limited gym time, I'd say that an Upper/Lower split repeated x2 weekly for 4 total days in gym would suit your goals better.

Program something like:
- Compounds in the x6-12 rep range as the core of your routine
- Isolations in the x12-20 range for hypetrophy, a few accessory sets

If you want specific recommendation on a routine, could offer some rough ideas if you'd like.

Two, I'm getting married in October and want to be the best possible husband for my soon to-be wife.

I'm also getting married in October and it's a big motivation for looking good!
Only get one shot at Wedding Photos...

Congrats, and wishing the best to the both of you.
 
I wouldn't let the comments get to you. As long as you're trying to better yourself and aren't doing anything so idiotic it's potentially harmful.

Your weight loss progress is fantastic:
204 lbs, 28% BF -> 183 lbs, ~17% BF in 3 months = 1.75lbs/week

Yeah, your lifts raise some eyebrows -- but who knows what your circumstances and physical condition are...



The HCG and HGH are a waste, if you want my opinion.

If you are planning on freezing your sperm, it'd be better to do that before you start using AAS.

HGH is comparatively expensive -- I'd save use of it until you're leaner, maybe once you hit ~12% or so?



If you want my $0.02 (though nobody asked):

Perma-"cruise" on something like the below:
- 250-300mg Test (long ester, whatever you like from E/C/D/U)
- 200mg Mast E
- 25mg Anavar cycled in & out

Would keep using BPC-157 + TB-500 blend for your injury. If you have the money, it's certainly worth it.



If your goal is functional strength, health, and looking good, I don't think SS is an optimal use of your time.

I ran 5x5 Linear Progression variants for the first 3-4 years of my lifting career, when I was PL-focused.

Given your comment about limited gym time, I'd say that an Upper/Lower split repeated x2 weekly for 4 total days in gym would suit your goals better.

Program something like:
- Compounds in the x6-12 rep range as the core of your routine
- Isolations in the x12-20 range for hypetrophy, a few accessory sets

If you want specific recommendation on a routine, could offer some rough ideas if you'd like.



I'm also getting married in October and it's a big motivation for looking good!
Only get one shot at Wedding Photos...

Congrats, and wishing the best to the both of you.

Instead of Mast i would go for Primo or really dose of EQ to control E2 otherwise a really nice post!
 
Instead of Mast i would go for Primo or really dose of EQ to control E2 otherwise a really nice post!

If their response to 250-300mg Test is high enough E2 to cause negative sides that sounds reasonable

I might caution against doing it right off the bat, in the event that it causes low E2 -- safest course of action would be a minimum of 6-8 weeks (for peak blood concentrations to occur with longer ester Test) without anything for E2 control.

Then evaluate how they feel and if-desired get bloods, IMO :)
 
If their response to 250-300mg Test is high enough E2 to cause negative sides that sounds reasonable

I might caution against doing it right off the bat, in the event that it causes low E2 -- safest course of action would be a minimum of 6-8 weeks (for peak blood concentrations to occur with longer ester Test) without anything for E2 control.

Then evaluate how they feel and if-desired get bloods, IMO :)
Yup fully agree there! I just opted in for Primo as Mast tends to be harsher on the lipids
 
1000IU a week seems a bit excessive no? I always thought 500IUs a week for just a low test base like yours is enough?
 
1000IU’s a bit much IMO 500IU usually is plenty to keep the testes full and producing. Too high of a dose could cause receptor down regulation is also a though to keep in mind.
 
Something is definitely wrong here
You should have some sort of muscle memory response. When I hear strong man then see your current lifts I'm just blown away... Unless you are a woman.
You should see a doc if you're male. Something is either very wrong or you're trolling. I was able to bench 135lbs in the 6th grade! This is in no way bragging... trust me.
 
This is mind blowing. I was squatting 315 for 15 reps at a bodyweight of 170 and totally free of gear and testosterone level was 713 at age 49 when I only had it tested due to low libido (which is normal if I am single and a follower of Christ), and this post says you consider yourself an old man while in mid 30s and on TRT since second cycle. I haven’t touched steroids since 2009 but took anavar for 19 and 10 days until I realized what I was doing and trashed them for the angels to be able to tell my Lord, if He wasn’t observing it Himself.

I think the devil- his demons- have you twisted mentally and you have to get off all the sorcery and stop reading shit on the internet and just exercise and eat healthy and get out and make friends with normal good people or get a few dogs if you are a responsible and gentle loving persons. Otherwise don’t cause misery on the animals the way your demons have caused misery and havoc on your life. This is a crazy post but good for you that you posted it.
 
This is mind blowing. I was squatting 315 for 15 reps at a bodyweight of 170 and totally free of gear and testosterone level was 713 at age 49 when I only had it tested due to low libido (which is normal if I am single and a follower of Christ), and this post says you consider yourself an old man while in mid 30s and on TRT since second cycle. I haven’t touched steroids since 2009 but took anavar for 19 and 10 days until I realized what I was doing and trashed them for the angels to be able to tell my Lord, if He wasn’t observing it Himself.

I think the devil- his demons- have you twisted mentally and you have to get off all the sorcery and stop reading shit on the internet and just exercise and eat healthy and get out and make friends with normal good people or get a few dogs if you are a responsible and gentle loving persons. Otherwise don’t cause misery on the animals the way your demons have caused misery and havoc on your life. This is a crazy post but good for you that you posted it.
Wtf? I swear I've just entered some alternate universe or something. What the crap does any of this even mean? What the crap does any of this post even mean? Did the angels slap the anavar out of your hands? Are you Mormon maybe?
This origonal post in itself is crazy as crap. The only way any of it makes sense is if he's handicapped. Your comment only makes sense if you're Mormon. Or, like I've said, I've slipped into an alternate universe.
What the crap does having accepted Christ as your Lord have to do with libido? The demons have taken away his strength? Dear Lord farther in heaven, master of the universe please help this man, Amen.
If you are Mormon why are you even on this site?
 
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Wtf? I swear I've just entered some alternate universe or something. What the crap does any of this even mean? What the crap does any of this post even mean? Did the angels slap the anavar out of your hands? Are you Mormon maybe?
This origonal post in itself is crazy as crap. The only way any of it makes sense is if he's handicapped. Your comment only makes sense if you're Mormon. Or, like I've said, I've slipped into an alternate universe.
What the crap does having accepted Christ as your Lord have to do with libido? The demons have taken away his strength? Dear Lord farther in heaven, master of the universe please help this man, Amen.
If you are Mormon why are you even on this site?
JESUS said “if you so much as look at a women with evil lust, you’ve already committed adultery in your heart.” Matthew 5:28 Also, no I’m not Mormon. But “sorcery” in the Bible is pharmaceuticals. I just don’t know how someone with no physique or strength is relying on hormones from a needle. Makes no sense. Trying to help the guy by making him wake up. Chill out.
 
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