Discussion with my Wife

[Mac11wildcat]

Well, probably not the issue. Call me old (42), but I forgot best friends can be internet pals .

Haha times have changed. I also live in a bubble up here. Small town. Not exactly a bodybuilding Mecca.

I’m not “getting in her guard” as you jits ppl say.

 

[RCCP]

If you're going to stay 212/classic then there shouldn't be a problem, this is about as big as you'll get you'll just be filling out and proportioning.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

If you're going to stay 212/classic then there shouldn't be a problem, this is about as big as you'll get you'll just be filling out and proportioning.

I think what made it worse is I’ve always been bottom heavy. But she doesn’t see my legs all day. Now I’ve made it a point to add size up top to get my proportions right and that’s more noticeable.

But you’re right. Atleast for now. things could be entirely different at the next level.

To put it in perspective, I’ve now gained 110lbs since 2009 (started college at 115ish). It’s only the last 10 that seem to bother her lol.

 

[Senorman]

I’m not “getting in her guard” as you jits ppl say.

Just don’t help her with her “power snatch” or let her “split and jerk” you.

 

[FourOneDeuxFitt]

Let me start this by saying i don’t know what I expect by posting this. Or even what I want. I just don’t have any other resources to discuss this.

My wife asked me to sit down today and proceeded to ask me to stop “getting bigger.” After discussion, it seems she couldn’t decide whether she doesn’t like the drugs, doesn’t like me being big, or both.

I’m struggling with this in a huge way. Two actually.

1. I’ve done everything possible to keep bodybuilding from impacting my family. I make good money. I bought us a house. She drives a Range. My son doesn’t want for anything. I spend time at home. I go out with them, my family, her family, whenever asked. I’m not that cunt toting a meal bag to restaurants all year. My health is in check. Etc.

2. I’ve been an athlete all my life. The other endeavors fell by the wayside. Bodybuilding has become the replacement and by the candid conversations i have with people more accomplished than me, it is a definite possibility that I can go pro. It’s more than just a hobby. It’s practically become my identity once you subtract my son and my wife.

I don’t know how to feel. Angry. Betrayed. Upset. Saddened. Guilty. All I know is I’ve never placed arbitrary constraints on her or asked her to stop being her or doing what she enjoys.

I got a little animated during the discussion. Did my best to back down and try and communicate my belief that this is kind of my calling.

Just scattered. I understand most guys here won’t truly understand bodybuilding. I know we all juice, but this lifestyle isn’t easily understood if you haven’t been in it. I understand that.

Maybe I’ll be able to better formulate my thoughts as this drags on...I don’t know. Just know this would’ve been like being asked to quit chasing a state title in higschool, quit chasing my engineering degree in college, etc.

It’s crazy you posted this. I just had this conversation as well with my wife not too long ago. We’d be at the gym and all the animals she would always make the comments like “that’s not what you want is it”? And I’m thinking to myself like fuck man. Is it gonna be her or this? Just as you I’ve been an athlete all my life as well. I don’t miss out on any family occasions nor so I neglect her with not spending time with her.

So during this conversation I reacted a bit out of pocket I won’t deny that. But I felt like I was being robbed of my sanity in a way. So once I regained my sanity in the conversation I had to be that guy and point out what I do for her and do for us. I had to make her try to understand how we look at this lifestyle and make her realize the selfless actions I take to assure her happiness and well-being and have her understand when it comes to this that it needs to be returned as the same. I don’t ask her to change anything about herself. Don’t strip her of any time she wants to spend without me out with her friends or doing whatever. Well this is that same situation that I explained I need from her. In order to move forward with her I just had to be completely straight forward. Do I want to put this aside or change this lifestyle for her? No not really but would I? I mean I guess yeah If it came down to it but in doing so that route I believe I would become resentful towards her for the unforeseen future. That too needed to be explained to how’s and why to her about that. I think the biggest thing about it is they just don’t understand and like most are uneducated and don’t realize how this effects our lives and sanity. Once that was accomplished the conversation went in a different direction.

Now. If I were acting irrationally or putting this in front of our family or responsibilities then yes make me aware and changes will be made. But until then things haven’t went rough and aren’t going to. I’m not gonna be a pro and I’m not gonna be 300lbs with and either. But her asking me to stop is like me asking her to not wear makeup anymore. Ever again. To not spend an hour in the morning with her hair and getting all pretty for the day. It’s really the same concept to a certain degree minus the health concerns. I think time was what changed a lot of it to make everything smooth out and let it be. That and just educating her on it and assuring her that just because some guys walk around with a six pack bag everywhere they go and can’t wear normal clothes and have extreme aggression doesn’t mean we can’t be compared to that. It’s apples to oranges and each individual is just that. Individual.

I would do as you did and just remain calm and be assertive and get her to understand why this is important to you the way that it is. Marriage is a give and take relationship. I myself take my wife for her and what she likes and every flaw every single day. For that to be mutual I need the same in return.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Nothing further to add on the situation. Things seem to be calmed down. I took a step back after a few hrs and basically let it all out regarding the dream, the need for AAS in it, my health, etc. either it was just a blowup exacerbated by other things or she understands. We’ll see.

I am trying to see things from her POV. So I made this. I’m a bodybuilder. I have bigorexia. I get it. But here’s what she’s seen in the last 4 months or so (attached) and I see how she could be taken back and scared/surprised/overwhelmed.

 

[T-Bagger]

Nothing further to add on the situation. Things seem to be calmed down. I took a step back after a few hrs and basically let it all out regarding the dream, the need for AAS in it, my health, etc. either it was just a blowup exacerbated by other things or she understands. We’ll see.

I am trying to see things from her POV. So I made this. I’m a bodybuilder. I have bigorexia. I get it. But here’s what she’s seen in the last 4 months or so (attached) and I see how she could be taken back and scared/surprised/overwhelmed.

Damn dude!

She could be concerned over the whole gear thing and the stories of all the athletes who have died from gear.

 

[Urgentfury12]

Nothing further to add on the situation. Things seem to be calmed down. I took a step back after a few hrs and basically let it all out regarding the dream, the need for AAS in it, my health, etc. either it was just a blowup exacerbated by other things or she understands. We’ll see.

I am trying to see things from her POV. So I made this. I’m a bodybuilder. I have bigorexia. I get it. But here’s what she’s seen in the last 4 months or so (attached) and I see how she could be taken back and scared/surprised/overwhelmed.

Everyone is over thinking this. It’s simple, she doesn’t like the way you’re starting to look. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so she’s trying to say it but not say it. You know how women say what they want/mean but don’t come right out with it. I’m not trying to criticize your physique or your relationship, so don’t take what I’m saying the wrong way. she probably just doesn’t like you jacked to the gills.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Everyone is over thinking this. It’s simple, she doesn’t like the way you’re starting to look. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so she’s trying to say it but not say it. You know how women say what they want/mean but don’t come right out with it. I’m not trying to criticize your physique or your relationship, so don’t take what I’m saying the wrong way. she probably just doesn’t like you jacked to the gills.

Had to overthink it, she was in tears telling me this. I honestly do believe my offseason was just too productive so far Too much too fast.

Maybe she does just dislike how I look. But I have to keep a thought to her being concerned over my health and well-being given her father’s passing (he also used AAS).

Complicated situation, and complicated further by things she based on opinion on that werent true.

 

[T-Bagger]

Had to overthink it, she was in tears telling me this. I honestly do believe my offseason was just too productive so far Too much too fast.

Maybe she does just dislike how I look. But I have to keep a thought to her being concerned over my health and well-being given her father’s passing (he also used AAS).

Complicated situation, and complicated further by things she based on opinion on that werent true.

Was his death in anyway attributed to his AAS usage?

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Was his death in anyway attributed to his AAS usage?

Prostate cancer, so likely it helped in bringing it on. His onset was in his 30s, very early. Died at 55.

 

[T-Bagger]

Prostate cancer, so likely it helped in bringing it on. His onset was in his 30s, very early. Died at 55.

Could be fear bro.

 

[Urgentfury12]

Had to overthink it, she was in tears telling me this. I honestly do believe my offseason was just too productive so far Too much too fast.

Maybe she does just dislike how I look. But I have to keep a thought to her being concerned over my health and well-being given her father’s passing (he also used AAS).

Complicated situation, and complicated further by things she based on opinion on that werent true.

Ok now we’re getting inside her head. Your jacked off-season and her father passing. It’s making more sense now. She is worried on multiple levels.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Ok now we’re getting inside her head. Your jacked off-season and her father passing. It’s making more sense now. She is worried on multiple levels.

Yep.

She’s never seen me hit it hard like this. The gear is still lose dosage, but my food and training has been the best it’s ever been, and it’s the most progress I’ve ever made, especially so fast. So it’s not surprising it erupted when it did.

Now just have to do damage control and be more conscious of her outlook on it.

 

[Urgentfury12]

Yep.

She’s never seen me hit it hard like this. The gear is still lose dosage, but my food and training has been the best it’s ever been, and it’s the most progress I’ve ever made, especially so fast. So it’s not surprising it erupted when it did.

Now just have to do damage control and be more conscious of her outlook on it.

Got to either do one of three things. Include her completely, reverse psychology or your way or the highway. Including her would be better and by that I mean everything. Get her to be a part of your training, health etc etc etc. make her feel like she’s on the journey as well.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Got to either do one of three things. Include her completely, reverse psychology or your way or the highway. Including her would be better and by that I mean everything. Get her to be a part of your training, health etc etc etc. make her feel like she’s on the journey as well.

She has (or had) been for a while. I think she missed the part where no IFBB pro is natural. Time will tell... She won’t up and leave, the rest of our relationship is too good for that. Just have to feel out the path forward.

 

[Urgentfury12]

She has (or had) been for a while. I think she missed the part where no IFBB pro is natural. Time will tell... She won’t up and leave, the rest of our relationship is too good for that. Just have to feel out the path forward.

I hope not brother. You never know what’s really going on inside their heads, Keep communicating with her.

 

[RCCP]

What were first stats? End goal would be that size and shred.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

What were first stats? End goal would be that size and shred.

In that split photo?

5’7”
First photo: 200ish, no clue on bodyfat, just know it’s atleast a few % higher than now
Second photo: 210 AM, 216 at the gym, guessinf somewhere around 8-10% bf

 

[bigpoppachump]

I hope you can work things out and continue on your quest and find some sort of compromise.

I recently had a bit of difficulty with my future wife. I expressed to her my desire to push myself to get on stage somewhere over the next 12 to 16 months. She knows I take testosterone and a dose of npp but as far as she knows I am only taking a dose on the high side of TRT and a small dose of npp for the joints (actual is 600test and 500npp as of 10 days ago). At first she was all on board with my goal but she's kinda waffled recently and stated that she's not sure exactly how she feels about my passion to go all in. She's worried about money spent on food supplements etc, if my dedication will interfere with "our" time, how big will I actually shoot for and will that be enough and my overall health pushing myself like this at 40 from a cold start back at the end of October and a few other points she hit on. I'm really enjoying myself this time around now that I'm actually gunning for a goal and a clear cut finish line with a set time line. I don't know if she's going to be on board for the entire ride and it's kind of messing with my head lately.