Thing is, what I'm doing now is certainly not sustainable, nor healthy, being that I've been on gear nonstop since February 21st; that's five months cycling, not to mention, taking T3 the entire time, and then addition of clen the last two months.
When I started my cut in Feb, I was 240lbs... So I lost about 26lbs this entire time period of 20 weeks. I could have been more aggressive with my cut, but I would have certainly lost muscle.
If I'm 18% bf now
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then I must have been like 30%+ in this pic when I started in Feb.
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I'm probably going to have to stop everything and go back on TRT and maybe just GH, with a tiny deficit of like 200 calories or so, and just workout normally. Then maybe run another deeper cut later on, using tren E again, which really helps me transform.
Last year I did a six-month recomp with just cyp 200 and tren e 200...I started at 260! All I did was "clean up" my diet, eating 3k a day, did no cardio, no t3, no clen, and this happened over nine months. Sure it's a long time, but it was easy as fuck.
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I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit heart-broken; I've busted my ass and I'm on so much shit, its shameful I look like some dude who is barely trying. Granted, in the gym, I constantly get compliments: everyone says I look huge and learner, so I've clearly changed; perhaps I look better in person, but it's not enough to justify what I'm doing to myself. I'm so far from my goals, I don't see myself being able to sustain the gear, fat burners, cardio for another 20 weeks without a serious break. My strength has gone to shit, and the only time I felt amazing was during my diet breaks when I gained back like 15lbs and I broke a PR on shoulders lol.
The main reason I workout, is to deal with my PTSD as a combat veteran. I love the gym, as it is my sanctuary; I guess wanting to get ripped was just a goal I've never achieved, and perhaps maybe my genetics suck, and I will be difficult to get there; being 38 now doesn't make it any easier, either. Point is, I want to feel GOOD in the gym, and I don't anymore, and I'm not even lean enough to say I'm suffering from being too lean lol.
I honestly don't know what to fucking do anymore.