I know the feeling bro!
In total over the years I've had 5 hernia operations! most recently, 2 in the past 3 years! these are no way shape or form lifting related before you guys ask. Just to share it was from an unfortunate accident years ago, where my stomach got perforated and i ended up with septicemia and emergency surgery was done, resulting in my abdominal wall being cut through about 45cm's in length!
First of the two operations in recent years, was back in 2012. I'd been lifting for about 1 year! i started at about 48kg, at the age of 19/20 at 5ft 6... so about 105lbs! you could floss with my god damn arms! then a big man named "G" saw me perusing the gym deals one day and gave me an hour of his time and some of his own personal magazines to read and his contact number if i had any questions! we agreed do do a training session together, and before you know it i had employed him as my PT. This dude even took me out for lunch and motivated me to eat HALF A WHOLE CHICKEN at 105lbs... when you use to live of custard creams that was an achievement! Anyhow by November i had gotten up to a far healthier 65kg/143lbs. Then BAM by December i was back in hospital following a check up for another surgery! Pictures of the original transformation.
Bam out for 3-4 months no training allowed! because of the length of the scare i was buckled over! folded almost at a 30 degree angle, and eating solid foods was a nuisance for awhile! so my weight plummeted back down to about 56/57KG!
I got back in to training properly around march 2013! and by February 2015 I was at my heaviest at about 72kg and 12/13% bodyfat! best i had felt ever. I was about to be beaten!
Until then, bam further check up... another surgery required... you guessed it! March 2015 to June 2015... no training.. weight down from 72kg down to 58kg! looking fat and PUFFY! in my head "like what is the point! im going to work my ass of to be back at the start again in 2 years time".
But then i was like! I have my mental health, all my limbs and the ability to get back to where i wanted to be and even better! others arn't as fortunate! and given my circumstances if i can do it! i hope it gives others the hope that they can! obstacles are only there to test us, not to beat us! We define who or what we want to be, that what being a "beast" in most of our circumstances, we may not ever be the best or looking like the best but we may be motivation for others to say sh*t if this guy can do it, so can i! You just need to look at what you get from it personally! sod everyone else. Why did you start in the first place? admiration from others? yes most of us did! will you get admiration from others by picking yourself up off the ground and getting back into the gym and training like a beast! yes most certainly and if not more so!
I use others for my motivation, sounds weird.. but they are my focus and as a result i'm now a fully qualified PT and i train harder than ever because i need to be an example i want to be an example and i don't want my clients to be in better shape that me
Anyhow sorry for the long winded post, but all i can say is I've beaten the slump and the uncertainty of is this what i want to do! I am now at 75kg and my profile pic is my most recent photo and i can't be happier!
Driven23, in the wise words of nike "Just do it" get back in and hit the iron with everything you've got, its almost like crack cocaine it will be motivating in itself, specifically the feeling of DOM's
Best of luck to you brother, i hope my story helped.
Peace out
