Discussion with my Wife

[Mac11wildcat]

Let me start this by saying i don’t know what I expect by posting this. Or even what I want. I just don’t have any other resources to discuss this.

My wife asked me to sit down today and proceeded to ask me to stop “getting bigger.” After discussion, it seems she couldn’t decide whether she doesn’t like the drugs, doesn’t like me being big, or both.

I’m struggling with this in a huge way. Two actually.

1. I’ve done everything possible to keep bodybuilding from impacting my family. I make good money. I bought us a house. She drives a Range. My son doesn’t want for anything. I spend time at home. I go out with them, my family, her family, whenever asked. I’m not that cunt toting a meal bag to restaurants all year. My health is in check. Etc.

2. I’ve been an athlete all my life. The other endeavors fell by the wayside. Bodybuilding has become the replacement and by the candid conversations i have with people more accomplished than me, it is a definite possibility that I can go pro. It’s more than just a hobby. It’s practically become my identity once you subtract my son and my wife.

I don’t know how to feel. Angry. Betrayed. Upset. Saddened. Guilty. All I know is I’ve never placed arbitrary constraints on her or asked her to stop being her or doing what she enjoys.

I got a little animated during the discussion. Did my best to back down and try and communicate my belief that this is kind of my calling.

Just scattered. I understand most guys here won’t truly understand bodybuilding. I know we all juice, but this lifestyle isn’t easily understood if you haven’t been in it. I understand that.

Maybe I’ll be able to better formulate my thoughts as this drags on...I don’t know. Just know this would’ve been like being asked to quit chasing a state title in higschool, quit chasing my engineering degree in college, etc.

 

[Urgentfury12]

It could be she just doesn’t like the way you are starting to look ? I don’t do this to be a bodybuilder, I do this to look good and keep Father Time as far away as possible. To me the “mass” monsters look ridiculous, Classic physique look much better. Maybe she is worried she will have to wipe your ass for you because you get so big. Find out why she doesn’t want you that big ?

 

[Eman]

After discussion, it seems she couldn’t decide whether she doesn’t like the drugs, doesn’t like me being big, or both.

If she can't articulate why she's uncomfortable, then you're at an impasse. She needs to know what exactly is bothering her so a compromise can be achieved. To be sure, this isn't a situation where you just stop... You have to compromise somehow.

Sorry for your situation. It'll pass, just have to discuss it further with her. It can be a lot to take in for the other halves and it can bubble over eventually.

 

[strongsafety41]

Let me start this by saying i don’t know what I expect by posting this. Or even what I want. I just don’t have any other resources to discuss this.

My wife asked me to sit down today and proceeded to ask me to stop “getting bigger.” After discussion, it seems she couldn’t decide whether she doesn’t like the drugs, doesn’t like me being big, or both.

I’m struggling with this in a huge way. Two actually.

1. I’ve done everything possible to keep bodybuilding from impacting my family. I make good money. I bought us a house. She drives a Range. My son doesn’t want for anything. I spend time at home. I go out with them, my family, her family, whenever asked. I’m not that cunt toting a meal bag to restaurants all year. My health is in check. Etc.

2. I’ve been an athlete all my life. The other endeavors fell by the wayside. Bodybuilding has become the replacement and by the candid conversations i have with people more accomplished than me, it is a definite possibility that I can go pro. It’s more than just a hobby. It’s practically become my identity once you subtract my son and my wife.

I don’t know how to feel. Angry. Betrayed. Upset. Saddened. Guilty. All I know is I’ve never placed arbitrary constraints on her or asked her to stop being her or doing what she enjoys.

I got a little animated during the discussion. Did my best to back down and try and communicate my belief that this is kind of my calling.

Just scattered. I understand most guys here won’t truly understand bodybuilding. I know we all juice, but this lifestyle isn’t easily understood if you haven’t been in it. I understand that.

Maybe I’ll be able to better formulate my thoughts as this drags on...I don’t know. Just know this would’ve been like being asked to quit chasing a state title in higschool, quit chasing my engineering degree in college, etc.

Were you bodybuilding when you met her?

If you were, she kinda knew what she was getting into. I agree with Eman, there has to be some type of compromise. It’s difficult to ask someone to give up on a dream especially if it’s attainable.

If she asks you to give up on your dream inadvertently than chances are she’s going to regret it. I say this because if you’re as passionate as I think you are this will cause a problem in your marriage.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Were you bodybuilding when you met her?

Yes

 

[strongsafety41]

Yes

I edited my last post. Kinda figured you were already chasing the dream.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

If she can't articulate why she's uncomfortable, then you're at an impasse. She needs to know what exactly is bothering her so a compromise can be achieved. To be sure, this isn't a situation where you just stop... You have to compromise somehow.

Sorry for your situation. It'll pass, just have to discuss it further with her. It can be a lot to take in for the other halves and it can bubble over eventually.

I know she’s a bit emotional. Deals with depression. She probbaly overstated her stance. Said what she didn’t mean or in a way she didn’t understand would impact me like this. Appreciate the comment. Reinforces my current stance.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

I edited my last post. Kinda figured you were already chasing the dream.

Appreciate the words. I guess what I really wanted was some sort of affirmation I wasn’t being irrational. I don’t think she is either. It’s a big part of my life and i don’t expect anyone to understand this insanity.

 

[Eman]

I know she’s a bit emotional. Deals with depression. She probbaly overstated her stance. Said what she didn’t mean or in a way she didn’t understand would impact me like this. Appreciate the comment. Reinforces my current stance.

I can honestly understand where she's coming from up to a certain point I think, just based on my own experience. My girl had never seen someone use drugs, or even been drunk before. She went from that, to seeing someone aka me casually injecting PED's. I don't care how you do it, it can be graphic in the eyes of the typical person. She's very cool with it and open minded however, I sometimes wonder if it could bubble over for her. This may have been what changed for her...

 

[strongsafety41]

Appreciate the words. I guess what I really wanted was some sort of affirmation I wasn’t being irrational. I don’t think she is either. It’s a big part of my life and i don’t expect anyone to understand this insanity.

I understand your insanity. As CT Fletcher calls it, my Magnificent Obsession!

My obsession was with football, my situation was similar to yours. Married, kid, (ex) wife that didn’t ask me to give up the dream but her actions sure as hell were clear. For you to get this far and she just now mentioned it, your wife doesn’t sound anything like my ex. Your wife has obviously supported you this far. Give her time to digest whatever she’s dealing with and then talk it out.

I wish you the best my dude.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

I can honestly understand where she's coming from up to a certain point I think, just based on my own experience. My girl had never seen someone use drugs, or even been drunk before. She went from that, to seeing someone aka me casually injecting PED's. I don't care how you do it, it can be graphic in the eyes of the typical person. She's very cool with it and open minded however, I sometimes wonder if it could bubble over for her. This may have been what changed for her...

Completely understand that. My wife however isn’t straight edge. In fact she’s used Var before (and competed once). I knew she didn’t understand it because it wasn’t for her. But she enjoys the wonders AAS have to offer on occasion. Also smokes pot like a chimney. There’s a few concerns I think; her father passed from prostate cancer, she views big as unhealthy (not entirely wrong there), and assumed the IFBB was achievable without the gear which I’ve made clear it isn’t.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

I understand your insanity. As CT Fletcher calls it, my Magnificent Obsession!

My obsession was with football, my situation was similar to yours. Married, kid, (ex) wife that didn’t ask me to give up the dream but her actions sure as hell were clear. For you to get this far and she just now mentioned it, your wife doesn’t sound anything like my ex. Your wife has obviously supported you this far. Give her time to digest whatever she’s dealing with and then talk it out.

I wish you the best my dude.

Much appreciated man. Will let everyone know how it pans out. This, I guess, is as much a part of the dream as the diet, training, and drugs.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

It could be she just doesn’t like the way you are starting to look ? I don’t do this to be a bodybuilder, I do this to look good and keep Father Time as far away as possible. To me the “mass” monsters look ridiculous, Classic physique look much better. Maybe she is worried she will have to wipe your ass for you because you get so big. Find out why she doesn’t want you that big ?

I’m definitely not a mass monster. TBH i don’t even think im IFBB big yet. Maybe that’s some bigorexia speaking. But I understand. Maybe she doesn’t like the thought of people seeing this oddball belonging in a circus walking next to her. I need to dig deeper into what exactly the specific issue is. But to be clear I’ve maintained my mobility. I can still run and play with my son. No health issues as a result. I’ve done my all to keep it from killing family life or a career. I guess shit had to hit the fan eventually since she isn’t a part of this lifestyle on her own.

I may even drop to classic if I do get pro status. I just couldn’t as an amateur. Way too low of a weight limit.

 

[Rockclimber]

People change during a marriage. When humans first got married life expectancy was less than 30 so you only got a few years with a person. I recently read that a person will change an average of 8 times during their life. By that I mean their Hobbies will completely change their tastes will change etc. So the secret to success is changing together and not trying to control who the other person is or is becoming. Your wife needs to read a few books on marriage, it helped me out immensely. Now the question is how do you get her to read these books without sounding like a dick. Don't give up your dreams brother, not even for your wife. You will regret it and she will also. It sounds like life is going well for you, a Range Rover is no small feat and other than an S Class Mercedes is in my opinion the best automobile on the road currently. She has quality family time with you and your son, she has a house, electricity and food. If she is complaining about how big you are then she needs to step back and look at the whole picture and realize how trivial that really is in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Mac11wildcat]

Ok, now everyone put their wives on for their answers lololol

 

[Urgentfury12]

I’m definitely not a mass monster. TBH i don’t even think im IFBB big yet. Maybe that’s some bigorexia speaking. But I understand. Maybe she doesn’t like the thought of people seeing this oddball belonging in a circus walking next to her. I need to dig deeper into what exactly the specific issue is. But to be clear I’ve maintained my mobility. I can still run and play with my son. No health issues as a result. I’ve done my all to keep it from killing family life or a career. I guess shit had to hit the fan eventually since she isn’t a part of this lifestyle on her own.

I may even drop to classic if I do get pro status. I just couldn’t as an amateur. Way too low of a weight limit.

I looked at your cycle pictures(no homo) and you are a big dude without a bout but not ridiculous big. I’m willing to bet you’re wife doesn’t want you to become awkward looking. I bet she cares about you and is trying to not hurt your feelings by not coming out and say she doesn’t like it.

 

[Holidaypay]

Appreciate the words. I guess what I really wanted was some sort of affirmation I wasn’t being irrational. I don’t think she is either. It’s a big part of my life and i don’t expect anyone to understand this insanity.

If she is comming at it from a health perspective long term I kinda understand because she wants you around for as long as possible if its that the best would be to find away to show her that you won't let it be detrimental to your health but if she is comming at it from a visual perspective because she doesn't like the way you look as you get bigger then that's messed up because its your dream an no1 that really cares would stand in the way of that either way your dream is your dream an unless it seriously affecting your loved ones you don't want to die wondering what could have Ben its hard to understand totally without knowing were she is comming from an why the sudden change something must of happend to change the way she feels about it

 

[RCCP]

I'll try to articulate words better than normal. You have to realize that mass monsters are called that for a reason and that's the road you're heading. There are very few people that like that look and it really is unnatural, you may feel that is not true but realise that is because you often surround yourself with people of the same mindset. When you hang around engineers all day you can sometimes forget that normal people aren't stupid they're just normal and can't solve differential equations in their heads. As you continue down the road of body building you slowly forget what it was like before and you're new size becomes you're everyday normal. Your wife on the other hand simply remembers what she used to see and the person she fell for. The physical change is disconnect from the mental person you still are, maybe. Can you objectively sit down and say that your attitude and mental state have not changed as a result of AAS and BB?

Your wife also has a responsibility to know exactly what it is that is wrong. If the size is the problem then perhaps you all can compromise on competing in the weight limited classes. If the drugs are the problem then she needs to know why also. Is it because it's unnatural or because it's illegal? both of those would be approached differently.

As of today, explain there is nothing you will do to stop right now, you've put too much work into the current training and two shows coming up to stop now. Once those shows are completed you need to have a sit down and examine what exactly is her problem. I feel her big problem is the drugs and it's not a natural drug, it's injecting hormones that cause big unnatural changes in the body and it's highly illegal in this country so it brings legal concerns if someone gets caught, then how do you provide for your family?

 

[Xlgx]

What’s your age , height and weight?

 

[Mac11wildcat]

What’s your age , height and weight?

28, 5’7 216 mid day. Goal is 198 on stage.

I’ll never be a mass monster. Bodybuilders are big. We are. But I’ll never be a giant with a blown out waist, 24” arms, 60” chest, etc. I could never play that game, nor do I want to.