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Break-up help

ZacharyDwight said:
So, I recently went through a pretty rough break-up with my fiancé, we were together for around 5 years. I’m taking it really really bad and struggling. I was wondering if any of you guys have gone through one in a similar fashion, where it was this hard. I’ve gone through a bunch in the past but none that feel like this. For anyone wondering, if it isn’t obvious, i was the one dumped.

Hoping this thread will help me and anyone else in a similar situation

What are some things that helped you guys besides the obvious gym focus?
Click to expand...
Watch the 2 videos Jocko Willink put out on youtube. Out of all the videos, those helped me the most.
 
ZacharyDwight said:
29. She has a good job, but does this Tik tok thing as a means to get attention. It was/is pretty cringe.
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Dude, any chick like that is likely to screw around on you anyways. Wasn’t your attention enough? Why the need for more? Unfortunately many ppl are going down this road and one day they’ll realize just how fucking lonely they really are relying on “likes” from strangers
 
Demondosage said:
Dude, any chick like that is likely to screw around on you anyways. Wasn’t your attention enough? Why the need for more? Unfortunately many ppl are going down this road and one day they’ll realize just how fucking lonely they really are relying on “likes” from strangers
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It’s some wierd narcissistic coping thing she does. It makes it even worse that she only had like 900 followers and likes to pretend she’s a celebrity
 
I know it's probably not the healthiest decision.

But whenever I have a bad break up I immediately up all dosages. It makes me feel better knowing I'll be better in the future than I was when I was with my ex. Bigger and stronger.
 
5scoops said:
I know it's probably not the healthiest decision.

But whenever I have a bad break up I immediately up all dosages. It makes me feel better knowing I'll be better in the future than I was when I was with my ex. Bigger and stronger.
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Bro idk. I think the hormones being high makes it harder. Especially going from sex twice a day, to right now once every few weeks (hook ups).
 
Hayes88 said:
Sorry to hear that bro, and I have gotten through one longterm breakup and a few shorter ones. A lof of cheating and mental abuse towards me, so pain is something I know a lot about.

What I can tell you is that:
- You will feel pain and pain is allowed to be felt. Don´t fight the pain, don´t ignore the pain, let it wash over you naturally. Your mind and body will decide when it´s enough and it can take time, but the more you fight it the worse it will become and the more anxiety it will cause.
- It´s not weak to cry, do that when needed, just remember that sorrow is harder to beat than anger. I would recommend you choose the anger path as it will strenghten you faster. Not anger towards her and others, that is resentment, but anger towards not earning enough, not studying enough, not travelling enough, not lifting enough. Anything that makes you productive.
- Be open-minded, past is past and next one is not the same person as the old, give yourself and her a chance when you´re ready.
- Rebound can absolutely help, but imho NOT s*xual reabound. You need someone who can fill a roll of mental release rebound. Emptying your sack does nothing but fill you with regret, have someone you can laugh with or talk with before and after. Call that a temporary girlfriend or friend with benefits, but "friend" is the keyword.
- Talk with a mate you trust and who can be honest with you. Who knows what you should hear, not what you want to hear. A man, not an ass-licker.

And if you need an anonymous person to talk with, I and many other brothers are here for you!
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This is great advice for ZacharyDwight and anyone who is going through tough times.
 
ZacharyDwight said:
So, I recently went through a pretty rough break-up with my fiancé, we were together for around 5 years. I’m taking it really really bad and struggling. I was wondering if any of you guys have gone through one in a similar fashion, where it was this hard. I’ve gone through a bunch in the past but none that feel like this. For anyone wondering, if it isn’t obvious, i was the one dumped.

Hoping this thread will help me and anyone else in a similar situation

What are some things that helped you guys besides the obvious gym focus?
Click to expand...
Been there, tough break-up, suffering is part of the process keeping yourself busy will help but only time will heal the pain.

Besides the gym focus, trying to make new friends, getting a hobby or something that would involve you and take up some of your time are all things that can help

There is no magic formula, keeping yourself busy helps but when you get home at the end of the day you will feel it and let it be. Is a process.

Fast forward 4 years I am now happily married to a gorgeous lady and I was healed when I met her.

One day you'll wake up and that pain won't be there any longer.

It may take time, long time but it will happen.
But once again definitely try to fill your days to minimise the time staying thinking about all things and what could have been and all of that.

Best of luck and stay strong!
 
IronJohnDoe said:
Been there, tough break-up, suffering is part of the process keeping yourself busy will help but only time will heal the pain.

Besides the gym focus, trying to make new friends, getting a hobby or something that would involve you and take up some of your time are all things that can help

There is no magic formula, keeping yourself busy helps but when you get home at the end of the day you will feel it and let it be. Is a process.

Fast forward 4 years I am now happily married to a gorgeous lady and I was healed when I met her.

One day you'll wake up and that pain won't be there any longer.

It may take time, long time but it will happen.
But once again definitely try to fill your days to minimise the time staying thinking about all things and what could have been and all of that.

Best of luck and stay strong!
Click to expand...
Thanks for this
 
Brother, however your feeling is perfectly acceptable at the moment. A bad breakup after a five year relationship is akin to experiencing the death of a loved one, so you can expect to feel some of those same emotions for a while. Obviously I don't know you or your heart or her side of the story, but I was reading some of the reasons why you said y'all broke up and you are just a grown ass man with what appear to be some respectable qualities.

My wife and I clash sometimes, because of me not being approachable on some issues and because I'm calloused and very straight forward, and those have been a character traits I have had to work especially hard to improve, but I don't see the other things you listed as being qualities indicative of being a bad man or partner. Good men practice temperance, have fortitude, are prudent, and are just. A conservative nature a mark of a more mature man. As long as you did your best to try and compromise on the important issues, you did what you were supposed to be doing.

I'm not going to tell you to jump right back in there, but I feel it would be wise to take your time and process things as long as you need to and use that time to look at yourself and see how else you can improve yourself other than just weight training. Train your mind as well. Do some shadow work and find out what makes you uncomfortable and attack the shit out of it. Try reading some Jung, Joseph Campbell, and Nietzsche, or even the Bible or some teachings from the eastern religions as well. They are all pretty sweet to me. They helped me get through a lot of shit in the past.

Main thing is to try to stay in a routine as much as possible, focus on the positives, don't isolate, and practice some gratitude. That always helped me keep things in perspective Writing out how you're feeling and what's going on in your mind may help you process things as well. It helps me a lot to put it down on something physical where I can see it instead of letting it just run around all willy nilly in my head.

I'm going to stop writing this self-help book now. haha. I wish you the best, brother. Try to hold your head up. You'll be good because you're jacked as fuck, disciplined, and willing to work on yourself. Keep on keepin' on!
 
ZacharyDwight said:
I have a few new prospects yeah. I’m currently on bumble and tinder but the dating pool is pretty terrible on there

Everyone is either..
Trans
Has an attitude the 1st day
Lives with their ex
Too clingy
Not clingy enough
Flakie
Want someone to take care of their kid
Asks to borrow money within a week
Etc.
Click to expand...
Are you the US or equivalent western area? I recommend you find a foreign female. It may be difficult to do, but I would find a way to travel overseas and experience the difference. American women are ruined. There may be some exceptions here or there, but the generally.......I wouldn't waste my time.
 
ZacharyDwight said:
So, I recently went through a pretty rough break-up with my fiancé, we were together for around 5 years. I’m taking it really really bad and struggling. I was wondering if any of you guys have gone through one in a similar fashion, where it was this hard. I’ve gone through a bunch in the past but none that feel like this. For anyone wondering, if it isn’t obvious, i was the one dumped.

Hoping this thread will help me and anyone else in a similar situation

What are some things that helped you guys besides the obvious gym focus?
Click to expand...
Hope you're okay now. I've never gone through a breakup like you have, but I do know that you are not tied to any female that dumps you. You will get over this just like you did with BNC, but it will take some time.
 
Youve got to put yourself in a mindset that its her lost and be a man that doesnt let a girl dump him, if you lack in certain areas of your life that you know you should put attention to that makes you a better man, spending quality time with the kids, taking care of things financially, being present at home and being fun to be around etc.. Its a long road to navigate, so many dead ends that can take years to turn around to the right track... but keep consistent just like i the gym, you'll get there matter of consitency and effort put in in my opinion brother
 
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