Anyone here regret getting married and having kids?

[Eddie.]

I was about to pull the trigger with my ex after being 8 years together but she ended up fucking with other and leaving me cold turkey. This was my biggest lesson in life, you can't trust anyone at 100% and you don't know what tomorrow brings.

I strongly believe that kids must grow up in a safe and full of love environment with both mom and dad, i despise being a parent if you know you're end up divorced just to have kids in case of whatever.

Thankfully I'm now with a girl for the late 2,5 years and we both agreed to not have kids for our sake and more important for their sake, because society has really been fucked up.
I'm already past the good age to start a family at 36 now and although my gf is 25 she seems to know what she wants for her future.

Don't get me wrong I'm not against family at all, i just believe if you're gonna do this, be all in. There's no such thing like 50% yes and 50% no. Also, if you're not into having kids it's fine. They're not all meant to be parents.

In my country, I'm seeing a lot of people having kids because most of their friends are doing it and others because they're getting old and it's now or never..which in many cases never would be a better option. Just my personal thoughts.

 

[OmL]

Boy oh boy.. some of you know my story.. Do I chime in here?

 

[spicypri81]

I want kids for sure, it's just
1. I don't want to the kids to grow up with divorced or parents who don't live together
2. I want to make sure the mom is good mom material (how did I figure that out?)

Finding the future mom who's ok with me being with other women is another issue because I know Ill be bored with just her.

You should be posting this on the fetlife website that way, you will get better advice and be able to suit your lifestyle of having multiple relationships. Good luck finding a woman that’s going to be OK with that I would kill you lol.

 

[runway]

1. I don't want to the kids to grow up with divorced or parents who don't live together

This is not a problem for kids, the problem would be if you or the mother is not there at all. If you live in the same city and regulary see your kids i don't see any problem. Forget the myth about happy family staying together forever, it's very unrealistic. It's still great to have kids even if you don't stay together with the partner forever.

Finding the future mom who's ok with me being with other women is another issue because I know Ill be bored with just her.

- no tattoos
- no piercings
- not some subculture nutcase like veganism/feminism/leftism/rightism whatever
- not someone who is partying every weekend
- ideally can cook, read/tell stories, maybe has some experience with kids through siblings

Would be a good starting point i think. Usually you can tell which women would be good mothers.

Finding the future mom who's ok with me being with other women is another issue because I know Ill be bored with just her.

Maybe she will get bored with you too. There is a pretty good chance you will not stay together even after kids or marriage, so don't worry about that. Just enjoy the time and make some kids.

 

[Deleted member 135054]

I'm already past the good age to start a family at 36 now

Don't let anyone tell you what age is good to start a family bro

although my gf is 25 she seems to know what she wants for her future.

And you are sure her needs wont change after baby fever kicks in?

 

[spicypri81]

This is not a problem for kids, the problem would be if you or the mother is not there at all. If you live in the same city and regulary see your kids i don't see any problem. Forget the myth about happy family staying together forever, it's very unrealistic. It's still great to have kids even if you don't stay together with the partner forever.



- no tattoos
- no piercings
- not some subculture nutcase like veganism/feminism/leftism/rightism whatever
- not someone who is partying every weekend
- ideally can cook, read/tell stories, maybe has some experience with kids through siblings

Would be a good starting point i think. Usually you can tell which women would be good mothers.



Maybe she will get bored with you too. There is a pretty good chance you will not stay together even after kids or marriage, so don't worry about that. Just enjoy the time and make some kids.

Boy oh boy.. some of you know my story.. Do I chime in here?

We all have different experiences you should. But I can tell you this I am an incredible mother. I have no piercings. I have no tattoos. I don’t need a man to pay the bills, I don’t have any weird values. I am the oldest out of three siblings. Cooking is my favorite thing. My husband passed away a year ago. So maybe OP needs to evaluate his own values what does piercings and tattoos have to do with a person’s ability to parent? I did not see him saying what he has to bring to the table. What will his job be in the whole equation? Like seriously some people are great parents, but they grow apart and they just do not belong together and it’s worse for the kids to watch the nonsense. I was happily married for 17 years and I wanted to be married since I was a teenager.

 

[spicypri81]

The quote of I will get bored of her was just disgusting. I don’t think OP is marriage or father material if that’s what he is thinking about already. Grow up seriously get over yourself.

 

[Benf15harp]

It’s this simple. If you wanna be secondary, get married. If you wanna be irrelevant, have kids.
“Take thee care of number 1” - Fred G. Sanford.

 

[trtbuilder]

It’s this simple. If you wanna be secondary, get married. If you wanna be irrelevant, have kids.
“Take thee care of number 1” - Fred Sanford.

Pathetic persective

 

[spicypri81]

This mofo is trying to win the lottery

This mofo needs to explore a different lifestyle lol. He sounds like the type of men that I would run away from. I am from Brazil, and that type of thinking gets certain body parts cut off by fiery women lol. I would thread lightly.

 

[spicypri81]

Wrong place to post I know. 30 year old here, about to be 31 soon, never married or had kids.
Mind has been thinking about getting married and starting a family ever since I turned 30.

How did you know you wanted to marry her?
Did you ever regret the marriage?
Did you ever regret having kids?
If you could have a re-do, would you make the same choices?
Have any general marriage or kid advice?

You sound like a narcissist! I recommend don’t have children and focus on sleeping with all kinds of women at the end of your life. It’s lonely, but that’s what narcissistic people deserve.

 

[runway]

You sound like a narcissist! I recommend don’t have children and focus on sleeping with all kinds of women at the end of your life. It’s lonely, but that’s what narcissistic people deserve.

You are giving a bad name to narcissists, lady. :^) I'm a narcissist, and i'm not like that. I do think that many women want to sleep with me, but i don't want to sleep with all of them, or at least i don't do it even if theoretically could. I feel pretty good by myself, that's the difference. And it's not like i'm that retarded and full of myself on purpose.

OP is probably just full on cycle and can't help himself, if he wants kids he has to come off eventually anyway.

 

[Eddie.]

Don't let anyone tell you what age is good to start a family bro


And you are sure her needs wont change after baby fever kicks in?

You misunderstood me, I don't care about what others say, i mean i don't like to be father at late 30s or early 40s. I was thinking of it at my 27-28, now it's too late for my liking to be a dad.

As for my gf, if her needs change she's free to pursue them but without me. I don't wanna be involved in a situation that serious just to get going with my relationship if I'm not 100% i want the same thing too.

 

[Mongo966]

Wrong place to post I know. 30 year old here, about to be 31 soon, never married or had kids.
Mind has been thinking about getting married and starting a family ever since I turned 30.

How did you know you wanted to marry her?
Did you ever regret the marriage?
Did you ever regret having kids?
If you could have a re-do, would you make the same choices?
Have any general marriage or kid advice?

I think any normal person goes over their life choices somewhat regularly especially when they hit their 30's and onward.
I didn't have kids until my mid-30's and I'll always look at my first day as a parent as the day my life started. I don't say that to be dramatic, I just really believe that. Everything before that was just whatever. I had lots of fun being single. I got to sleep whenever I wanted(god i miss that), had freedom to come and go whenever and wherever I pleased - I miss all of that but I wouldn't trade it for my kids. Sometimes I wonder if I actually want my life to be this way or if I'm just brainwashed by my love for my kids. It all amounts to the same thing - I'm happy and regret nothing.

One of the biggest things besides choosing a good-hearted, family-oriented woman with work ethic who you get along with is MONEY. Money is huge whether we want it to be or not. That's a no brainer, but don't let rich people or broke people tell you money doesn't matter. The rich people never had to worry about it and the broke people have struggled so hard they've come to accept the misery they feel every time they need to fuckin buy something they need.
Make sure you and your girlfriend are making enough money to easily handle the expenses of a kid. The baby industry is going to milk you right from day 1. The cost of wipes and diapers alone is ridiculous. You're going to be spending a couple hundred dollars a month just for your kid to take shits. Nevermind the cost of formula if your wife can't breastfeed properly(which is a common problem you won't know about until it's time to milk her).

If you don't have close family and friends nearby who will help you with daycare, you're going to lose your fucking mind at how expensive childcare is for you. Literally, lose your mind. In Canada our government had to introduce this assinine subsidized $10 per day childcare program because children are so expensive we basically just stopped having kids at a rate that could sustain our population lol. People just said "nope. not doing it."
My wife and I haven't been able to get a spot at any of these registered daycares because the waitlist is 2 years long, so for 2 kids in a home daycare, with my wife and I working full time, costs around $13,000 per year on average. Lots of people want nothing to do with that nonsense and I don't blame them.

After saying all of that, I'm thinking of 1 big regret I do have: I wish I would have travelled when I was single. I wasn't interested in seeing the world until I had already had kids lol So I'm basically fucked until I retire. It's not the end of the world but it does bother me often. I can take my kids with me to travel when they're a bit older but the price would be more than I'd want to pay.
You'll have to make your own decision and live with it. Just make sure your wife isn't a piece of shit. Don't be with her just because she has a nice ass. Once she has kids it will never be the same again anyways.
All of that is just to say: there are a lot of things to consider. I don't regret any of it but some people do. Some people regret it all. Some people would like to go back and not get married or have kids at all. It usually comes down to the partner they chose. We all love our kids but man, if your wife is a vampire your life will be ruined the moment she gets pregnant.

Good luck bud and I think in the end you'll decide to start a family. You'll probably find that your thoughtfulness, as evidenced by this thread you've made asking for advice, will come in handy as a parent.

 

[Jabroni_Meathead]

As an American that married an Aussie, i do not regret it. I would have if it was an annoying ass american woman. We both are 40 and do not ever want tax paying slaves aka bank account drainers aka children.

I live in and travel Europe while getting paid very well, we own a house near the beach in NC, and my work gives me privileges most dont know about. All things that would be hampered with a failed abortion.

Plus children put miles on a women's body that you cant get back while prematurely aging both parents.

 

[trtbuilder]

As an American that married an Aussie, i do not regret it. I would have if it was an annoying ass american woman. We both are 40 and do not ever want tax paying slaves aka bank account drainers aka children.

I live in and travel Europe while getting paid very well, we own a house near the beach in NC, and my work gives me privileges most dont know about. All things that would be hampered with a failed abortion.

Plus children put miles on a women's body that you cant get back while prematurely aging both parents.

I'll just say I'm very glad you chose not to have a kid. Jesus.

 

[Mongo966]

I'll just say I'm very glad you chose not to have a kid. Jesus.

Fuckin seriously lmao wow.

 

[HeatherSwanson]

Wrong place to post I know. 30 year old here, about to be 31 soon, never married or had kids.
Mind has been thinking about getting married and starting a family ever since I turned 30.

How did you know you wanted to marry her?
Did you ever regret the marriage?
Did you ever regret having kids?
If you could have a re-do, would you make the same choices?
Have any general marriage or kid advice?

Do NOT get married. I married a woman that was a rocket in her 20's, single digit body count, was the consummate woman in my life right up until the marriage certificate was signed.
It was a shift in the power dynamic of the relationship that was just there all of a sudden. It went from her spending every single moment of her free time helping me on my mission of building an empire to absolutely nothing I did was good enough.
I spent 15 years eating shit in the barren lands of the NWT and Nunavut, and the frozen prairies of AB so that I could set myself up for a cruise in my 30's. I have a trade that is in demand and it was a mission success. Rental properties, beautiful home in a highly desirable place, no debt, Harley, trips, she wanted for nothing.

She packed on 40lbs after shoveling candy into her face post first baby. I was a cunt for even thinking mentioning anything about that. Shed demand sex from me. Keep in mind I'm 205lb and ripped at 5'10". I have never fucked fat chicks, and now hers one I'm married to that's entitled to half my shit.
Eventually we separated, it was the best money I ever spent.

I was a great husband, I am a fantastic dad, did everything more. Now I'm worth 40% of what I was 5 years ago. If you know anything about parabolic growth that's about 10 years behind where I was without taking into account inflation.

Dating after she moved out was actually hilarious. Jacked, nice house, good job and a great dad... I'm top of the food chain. I vetted better this time around and have a hotter, younger, objectively better woman. The same could not be said for her, she found out pretty quick a fat lazy women with a bad attitude and a couple kids in tow doesn't exactly get the cream of the top in the sexual marketplace.

I'd suggest you go on YouTube and watch a guy named Rich Cooper he has a podcast called Before the Train wreck on his channel called The Unplugged Alpha. Get his book, read it twice so it gets into your head.

There is NOTHING a wife can do that a girlfriend can not. If you want children, mitigate risk by vetting for the 20 red Flags, they are real.

Read the ration male, the entire series also.

I practiced sport fucking in my 20's basically ran threw as many chicks as I could, like most bodybuilders whom party do. The 20 red flags in that book resonated with me so hard, I'd use those red flags to identify bar whores and even still knowing this my wife turned who had NONE of the red flags still ended up being a cunt because of hormones. Nothing I could have done.

This was the level of crazy I had to deal with "you work to much" ten minutes later "let's buy a camper this summer".

Date women, let them come and go, love them while you have them. Remember, she isn't yours, its just your turn.

PROTECT YOURSELF.

 

[nightprowler7]

Women will ruin your life, count on that. Maybe not today or in 3 years, but eventually.

 

[primojuju]

Boy oh boy.. some of you know my story.. Do I chime in here?

Please do share.